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Wednesday, May 25, 2016

PND, A Partner's Perspective


Sponsored by Bupa Australia.

 My husband, Matthew is a problem solver. He is a project manager and is responsible for millions of dollars’ worth of contracts, hundreds of employees and working-around potentially expensive mistakes.

When Matt couldn’t fix my postnatal depression he felt helpless, not a familiar feeling for a bloke like him. Not only was I difficult to live with at the time but I was so absorbed in my own struggle that I was unable to see just how much my pain was tearing him up inside.


Women who experience postnatal depression (PND) need a lot of support, that’s a given. But I think we need to acknowledge what the partners go through as well. Dads and partners also live with the illness and can even experience PND themselves.

I spent most of my time and energy trying to look like a normal, joyful mother while out in public but when my husband walked through the door at night I had nothing left for him. I couldn’t even pretend. He always had me at my absolute worst.

I snapped easily, my mood swings were unpredictable, and usually because Matt was the person in my firing line he copped all of it. And the resentment- oh the resentment!

In the early days I was jealous of his hour commute and lunch breaks (when he actually had time to take them) because at least he got to be alone or speak to adults.

One morning as he was leaving for work, I was feeding our daughter while crying my eyes out. He offered to make me a cup of tea and even though I would have liked one, I said, “No! Just go ahead and leave, just leave us!”

What a horrible thing for him to hear as he was preparing for a stressful day of work. Even writing about that morning makes my eyes misty. The poor guy was simply trying to show me how much he cared.

Dads want to enjoy it too
I’m well aware of my privilege. I have a supportive husband with a great job, I live in a beautiful house and we are comfortable. That’s the thing about PND though, unfortunately, it does not discriminate.

Something I heard at a postnatal depression talk will stick with me forever because I felt like the woman was speaking about me.

“Sometimes the mums who appear to have it all together are the ones who are struggling the most.”

And though this is true, standing next to that mum is a partner who is also struggling.

We are a closer family thanks to The Parent & Baby Wellbeing Program
How can we better support partners of PND sufferers?

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posted by Unknown @ 1:41 PM   2 Comments

Wednesday, February 24, 2016

Back on the Radar and Back to Reality


I've been off the radar for a few weeks not really by choice. Post surgery was not the staycation I expected.
Aside from not being able to paint, write or exercise, I couldn't even tie-up my own hair. It's unsettling being so dependent. Don't get me wrong, the surgery was a choice and my inability is temporary. Still...I felt unsettled. Frustrated. Cranky.

 You know how doing things with children takes twice as long as they normally would? Well that was me and then some. For a quick-moving lady, this was torture. I had so many things I wanted to do but could not.

One example is the commissioned artwork I have to finish for a dear friend in Buffalo. It's been hand-stretched, primed and has its first layer of paint. It's like an airplane that's been sitting on the runway for three weeks. I worry about momentum, I worry there is no one left in the plane.

 Overthinking it I'm sure, but still. Anxiety.

Finding time to paint in real life is hard enough as it is. People often ask me how I do it- and I'll tell you- it's not a magic formula. It involves $cash money$ for childcare. So on days where motivation is lacking, the pressure is on financially and emotionally.

 So yeah, the last few weeks with visiting family, surgery and recovery I felt my momentum sputter and fail. 

 If you don't feel bad for me already what I'm going to say next might make you want to punch me in the face. (Just let me complain a little bit, we're friends right?)

I'm writing a blog post for the first time in several weeks from an empty beach on my iPhone. Not the easiest thing to do without a keyboard and with a bum hand but it feels good. And did I mention I'm on a beach?

Get this though- despite the practically empty shore there are these two sets of parents who are literally talking over me. They both have sons named Nate and they both get really pissed off when people ask if it's short for Nathaniel. It's just Nate- ok everyone?? Deal with it. People have turned a nickname into a full name. Besides, Dad no.1 really thinks it sounds sportier that way.

 I know, I know, I'm on the beach. My daughter is occupied. I'm WRITING for the first time in weeks. I should be so lucky but I feel like these people are interrupting my mojo. Like when you're in the bedroom with hubby and the baby starts crying. Quit messing with my release Nate's Moms and Dads!
Moments after Nate's parents left. Go talk over a seagull next time!

I might sound really negative right now but I don't feel it. I'm pleased to be blowing off these cobwebs and actually putting down a few thoughts. I'm not a one-handed robot after all!

To prove it I'll tell you something positive. While down here on the Penninsula I came across an awesome (and reasonably priced) Arts and Crafts Market called Flock of Seagulls in Rye. It's such a lovely place to treasure-hunt or have a coffee. We went there at least once every day.

 Anyway- they rent out space to local artists and vendors (I bought two dresses, an artwork and a pillow cover) a woman who works there took my business card. I left the market and later received a message from her saying that she took a look at my site, loves my work and would make room for me any time. What a massive compliment!

So even though I'm coming out of a funk now I feel happy. I know that painting and telling stories are part of my stress relief, part of who I am. Knowing this gives me back a little of my power (and hopefully some jet fuel).

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posted by Unknown @ 3:47 PM   0 Comments

Wednesday, January 6, 2016

Mission ————-> Art

Sarah Heidinger Photography
My biggest shock about becoming a mother was the (temporary) loss of identity. I’ve written plenty of posts about it (most of them don’t quite articulate my feelings as well as I would like). 

My life had been interesting but I felt like a drifter...I had a Masters degree and a 'useful' thesis on how the cult of celebrity influences trends. I had a passport proudly filled with stamps, a catalogue of interesting job titles and I moved my entire life to Australia for love. Sounds pretty cool right? Well, when I became a Mother the little patchwork of a life got obliterated.

 I no longer had the time and freedom I once took for granted. How could I be a Mom and still be me?

Combine an identity crisis with lack of sleep, unstable hormones, loss of confidence and you have the perfect recipe for depression. Yup. And to make matters worse (or better, depending on how you look at it) I decided to publicly journal my feelings in a blog. Hello I’m a vulnerable little flower *cower*

Luckily I received the opposite of boot-prints and rather instant support in the form of messages, calls, emails lots of people saying 'me too!' Even my husband received messages from his friends to see if we were okay. This was humbling and motivating. 

Writing was one of my neglected loves and resurrecting it proved to be more than a useful outlet. As soon as I was able to write honestly and let go of my crippling perfectionism I could process how I felt and let the healing process begin.

I continued down the dusty path of my dormant hobbies nurturing them them one by one. Once my love for art bloomed so did my interest in design, photography and crafting. I started taking a few online classes, reading books, watching tutorials (you can learn so much for free!)

 I was desperate to make my free-time count. Investing in myself seemed selfish until I remembered that by doing this I would be giving my daughter the ultimate gift- an example.

Following my interests and rediscovering my passion turned into a business, a mission, something that makes me feel happy and fulfilled.
Art in all it’s forms is an expression of our identity and personality. It does not matter if we make it, hang it, or view it——> this is fuel for growth. I want to help others (re)discover their identity through art and creativity.
I'm working on a few projects that will help show others how I went from a confused, depressed, new mother to a person both my daughter and I can be proud of.

 I don't intend to write a self-help book or a how-to manual. My hope is that by sharing my story and some of the tools I've used may spark some inspiration or show you the first signpost for your own authentic quest.

 Help me help you- what would you like to hear about most?

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posted by Unknown @ 10:30 AM   2 Comments

Saturday, December 26, 2015

Most Popular Posts of 2015: Kangaroo Spotting


First of all, Thank You. 

This has been an incredible year of growth both for myself and for this little blog of mine.

It started out as an ex-pat blog about 'life as an American settling in Melbourne' (thus the clever name) but at the time I was unsure how to write without a filter it all felt forced. I lost interest, Kangaroo Spotting sat neglected that is, until my daughter was born....

....which happened to be when my world turned upside. The blog became a place where I could sort out my feelings on the keyboard. I could have done this in a journal, yes, but I needed accountability. I put it alllllll out there, skeletons and granny panties and all. 

 I completely lost what I thought of as dignity but really it was just a wall (a flimsy one at that). So there I was not only upside down but inside out as well.

And what did that mean? Time to rebuild. 

  You know what gave me the strength to do so? You.

I’ve had incredible messages of support from so many of you since my very first REAL post. And even if you haven't reached out with a note I know you're there (Google Analytics tells me so) in silent support! 
As a bonus I’ve even made NEW incredible friends, readers, bloggers, artists and writers who continue to inspire and keep me company in my virtual world (and in real life.)

So thank you. Thank you for taking the time to connect with me (sorry about all the sap I just had to get it out) now let's go have a Chardonnay. 

Wishes of Love, Authenticity and Joy for you in 2016.

xoxo

 Here's the list- see if you are as surprised as I am at the results.

Kangaroo Spotting's Top Ten Posts of 2016


 1. I'm Breaking Up with my Bump 
I'm shocked this was number one...maybe people thought I was getting divorced? No way Jose.

 2. How to Support Someone who Lost a Child when you Haven't  
This piece was extremely personal and I'm glad it got exposure.

 3. Chosing a Baby Name Can be a Royal Pain 
A really fun(ny) one.

 4. Laila & Spot 
I can't say enough about how awesome this company is!

 5. What's your Mom Style
Everyone loves a makeover...at least I do.

 6. How I'm starting to feel better
An early post about how I started progressing through post natal depression.

 7.  1 + 4 = Life: Change
Heavy and personal, about loss. A little bit poetic.

 8. I went on a Trip without my Daughter and didn't Miss Her
Three nights in Nashville!

 9. How to Prepare for an International Flight with a Toddler
Everyone knows someone who needs these sanity saving tips!

 10. 1 + 4 = Life: Homeward 
Feeling like myself again, I got to visit home.


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posted by Unknown @ 12:24 PM   0 Comments

Monday, December 14, 2015

A Post About Nothing

(I wrote this post a few days ago so it’s a touch outdated but I’m just going to give myself a pass. It's December- I think we all have our undies hanging out a little).

Today is Lavinia’s last childcare session of 2015. Then we have like 6 weeks without it (note to self: don't panic).

Last night I packed her lunch and my yoga bag- intent on making the last day count however my beauty sleep was interrupted by some snoring (it's one of his very few faults so what can you do?)

When the alarm went off I snoozed which meant we would be running late. Which meant no yoga. I would have to be productive in other ways.

On the entire drive to daycare I tried to think of things I could do to make the most of my time and in what order (for maximum multi-taskimum). I usually try to do things that I can't do with a kid, or do things that are made infinitely easier unencumbered by diaper bags, car seats and arguments about holding hands in the parking lot.

After stopping back home for coffee and breakfast I caught myself walking in circles. I grabbed the car keys and told myself to get in the car and drive...anywhere (and I did). Only, I felt weird because I realized that there were a million things I wanted to be doing AT HOME. I busted a U turn and went back to the house. 

So much for strategy. I wasted precious minutes. And acted crazy.

Turns out, sitting at the kitchen table with my laptop was exactly where I needed to be. And you know what? I gave myself permission to be okay with that. Sometimes you just need to clear out your dang inbox.
Oh! And I also hung a picture frame after watching a video- I used tools and everything! Next thing you know I will be conquering the universe with video instructions I found on Youtube. If you ever need to hang a frame or if you just want to hear a classic Aussie accent this vid is for you!
I donated this one to a fundraiser and needed to make it hangable.
Technically I still multitasked- doing dishes while listening to podcasts counts! And technically this is something I could not do with my daughter hanging around. So what if I broke my rule of no housework during daycare days? I'll give myself another pass (gee, I'm nice).

Have you ever listened to On Being with Krista Tippett? There was this one about how environmental factors (like trauma) can actually modify our genes (kind of like a mutation) and we pass those modified genes down to our children (which can actually make them more resilient). And this one about the evolution of medicine and how we can use food to heal our bodies. 

I would have loved a million more hours to patter around doing these little things because I felt productive. My day was the perfect example of how sometimes what feels like nothing, definitely amounts to something.

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posted by Unknown @ 5:28 PM   2 Comments

Thursday, December 3, 2015

An Evening with Oprah in Melbourne

Last night I went to go see Oprah in Melbourne. My lovely girlfriend had tickets through work. We had no idea what was all going to be about but I didn’t care. I loved her. Oprah. And my friend too.

I’ve been a fan of Oprah for many years. I even met her once thanks to my lovely boss-at-the-time, Patti Novak, who was a guest on the Oprah Winfrey Show. I jokingly describe that moment backstage as ‘Oprah looked through my eyes and into my soul’ but seriously- when she shook my hand (I can't even remember what she said) it was not some obligatory PR moment. She was present. She looked AT me. Something about her is so authentic, so powerful and so purposeful. (I'm not being objective here, I already told you I love her.)
She loves Australia

And look, she’s just a human being like you or me but she’s lived an incredible life. From a dirt road in Mississippi to friggin' OPRAH Winfrey, billionaire. Last night she shared with us just HOW she was able to do that. A lot of it came back to how she paid attention to all the people she's met over the years...which is what I felt when she met me! (Unfortunately at the time as a 26-year-old matchmakers apprentice I did not have much to offer).

In all her glorious unicorn wisdom, these were a few golden droplets I wrote down. Initially I intended on keeping them to myself but in the spirit of Oprah’s message last night- I think it’s better to share.

Look, it was a little bit self-help guru, a little bit spiritual, a whole-lotta-Oprah and it was riveting. Some people may have been rolling eyes but I was taking notes. If she starts a cult- sign me up. I drank the Kool-Aid. I'm in.

Honor the curiosity
She was talking about how to find your purpose- how to find happiness in your life. She said your curiosity will take you there. Do the things you are curious about whether it’s how to take a good photograph, to how to write a novel to how to start a business.

Your calling is your offering to the world
If you start thinking about how to offer your calling or purpose to the world, it will completely change your approach. She said that our calling is not something we are meant to keep to ourselves.

You can only do that if you are listing to spirit
This is a big one. You have to get in touch with your inner voice. Call it God, the Universe, Spirit, whatever- it’s the thing that guides us and we can only hear it when we are still.

You can’t hear your spirit if the voices of the world are drowning it out
I love this one. She used the example of when you’re sure of something- no one can tell you otherwise. But when we are unsure of something we tend to ask anyone for an opinion. Better to get in touch with yourself for guidance. Which brings me to the next point.

When you don’t know what to do, get still, until you do
Oprah goes into her yard, under her trees (that she once paid someone to count because when she was little trees represented wealth) and she meditates. She gets as quiet as possible so she can hear her inner voice.

Use your personality to serve your soul
If you are using your personality to serve your soul’s desire, no one can touch you because you are the definition of authenticity. 

The whole point of having a purpose is to service other people
She spoke of Dr. Martin Luther Kind Jr when he said Not everyone can be famous but everyone can have greatness through service. How true is that?

Effect follows intention
Intention is a big one she said. Every decision we make, every moment of every day is filled with intention. We must be conscious of it.

Say no
This is a big one I am starting to work on. It’s important to say no at the right times.

And Parents: You are only able to manage your children for a short while, then you are merely a consultant. 
I agree with this one completely.

Failure is a detour on the road to success. 
A nice way to look at it don’t you think?

So yeah. These are the things I jotted down while the rest of me intentionally stayed present. I left inspired and even had my first test of my new resolve the moment I got into a cab to head home.

The driver started playing Adele from a playlist (it got my attention) then he asked me what I did for a living (the test). I almost passed when I said, "an artist and a writer," so far so good but then added the self-conscious, "well, at least I'm trying to be." He sounded impressed which surprised me.

We ended up having the most incredible, honest conversation. About travel, life, being an ex-pat, getting a masters degree, relationships, risk and sacrifice. Pretty heavy for a 30 minute ride huh? It was past my bedtime but I was brimming with Oprah wisdom!

I am an incredibly fortunate person and for that my gratitude abounds. And just like Oprah, like you, like anyone; I am the master of my fate. And I am ready to take-on that responsibility.

Did you see the show? Would you want to?

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posted by Unknown @ 6:20 PM   0 Comments

Tuesday, November 10, 2015

Not Everyone's Cup Of Tea

Quote by Carrie Bradshaw (but let's forgive that).
My day started off with some serious messaging with a close friend of mine. She is quite passionate, outspoken and opinionated especially when it comes to women's issues (no wonder we get along). The problem for her and I is that sometimes our loved ones can try to quiet us down 'for our own good.'

Social media is a place where we can blurt thoughts as quickly as we can speak them but unlike in a one-on-one conversation you don’t have to worry about that ‘fly on the wall’ who overheard everything. Unfortunately (or fortunately) for people like us, the internet is a stadium full of flies with photographic memories, excellent record keeping and their own internal biases. Soapboxes swarmed, we find ourselves defending our opinions to the death.

It's completely understandable that people who care about us may not want to see us dealing with a backlash of comments, replies, frustration and de-friending. Some people are intensely private- I get it because I used to be one of those people- and it freaks them out to imagine swatting at all those opinionated little flies. We look like people on fire but if we didn’t use our voices we would burn up on the inside….And that feels much worse.

When I shared my experience with Post Natal Depression it's no secret that even my own Mother was uncomfortable. She didn't understand why I couldn't just write in a journal. No doubt it was her first instinct to shield and protect me but because of my own vulnerabilities and insecurities it made me feel like she thought I was doing something wrong. I know she was just being a Mom.

When I pushed publish on that first post I felt sick. It was completely out of my comfort zone, sharing my weaknesses with perfect strangers. But you know what? In exposing the worst of me, I was able to air it all out, heal old wounds and become stronger than I had ever imagined. Real strength, not just a projection of strength that would short circuit whenever I was alone.

Removing my filter of 'perfection' I was able to make more genuine connections with friends both old and new and I've been able to be more honest in my day-to-day life, something I've long admired in bold and outspoken people.

I used to care too much about what everyone thought of me. Don't get me wrong, I still care tremendously but if you're not on board I'm okay with that too.

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posted by Unknown @ 5:59 PM   0 Comments

Wednesday, August 19, 2015

What's Your Mom Style?

Slipped and fell right back into my Mom uniform.

Lavinia and I have been back from the USA for exactly one week. I’m both happy and bummed to report that we are already back in our routine.

Today was her first day back at childcare so I took a yoga class and now sit here writing (at my glorious new Macbook Pro.)

 Returning home from America gave me a little extra pep, confidence and a few new items for my wardrobe (what better reason to get out and about than a new outfit?) I wanted to make it a point to explore the city of Melbourne more. Two days in- and we did just that! Straight into town to meet a friend for coffee.

Alas, the weather turned drab so my motivation plummeted. We did have two appointments this week which forced us out of hibernation and into jeans... I tried staying dressed until my husband got home from work buuuuuut fail. 

 Somehow I'm in my Mommy uniform again (uuuuggggghhh) and I need to fix the situation.

I love the idea of getting dressed everyday (in something other than sweats) because it makes me feel better about myself. Also it means I’m more likely to go and do something last minute. Are we out of garlic? I can confidently run to the supermarket. Does my sister-in-law want to meet for coffee? I will be prepared to enter society.

When I was suffering from post natal depression both my daughter and I lived in our jammies. It’s funny looking back at her ‘monthly progress’ photos she was often in PJ's. It’s the sad type of evidence which shows that I was struggling. 
Mommy- let's put some clothes on and get amongst it.

I'm no longer struggling but I've sure gotten lazy with my fashion- which sounds superficial but it's not. I believe the way we dress not only expresses how we feel about ourselves but also how we want the world to perceive us. And those two things are important.

In the early post natal months I was limited with clothing because of nursing, then in the months following I was working to shed baby-weight. Recently I realised that my old wardrobe does not necessarily represent me anymore. I don’t have to worry about looking 'corporate' or 'adult' I don't have much of a nightlife...I just want to look like me- so I am trying to figure that out how to do that.

When I was in Buffalo I finished my half-sleeve. It’s something I’ve wanted to do but haven’t had the guts to for many years. I finally feel confident enough in myself as an artistic person to present myself as such. When I was in Nashville, a cab driver asked my friend and I if we were musicians- I took that as a HUGE compliment.
Rock'n'Roll Mama (oooouuuuuch!)

So what the hell am I still doing in my sweatpants? I don’t know, but I’m going to change that before it’s time to pick up Lavinia.

Even though my family is on a tight budget due to a home renovation (which just started this week!) I decided to really think about purchasing one or two things that make me feel good, comfortable and are durable enough for my Mommy lifestyle. So far my boyfriend jeans have been a great investment. My beloved 1990’s are back in fashion so I snatched a couple flannies and a cute pair of converse. Maybe I'm dressing a little young for a 34-year-old Mother but you know what? I feel a helluva lot better than I did in my sweats and hoodie.

So there you are. Fun/ cool Mom reporting for duty. It took all of ten minutes. (Don't mind my messy spare-room bed in the background, priorities people.)
A little effort goes a long way.

The tools:
A bit of makeup (concealer, bronzer, eyeshadow, mascara and lipgloss)
Boyfriend jeans
Converse
Black and white flannel
Blue wool v-neck sweater
Gold hoop earrings

What’s your Mom Style? What’s the one thing you could wear everyday to feel good about yourself?

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posted by Unknown @ 3:24 PM   8 Comments

Thursday, July 23, 2015

I Went On A Trip Without My Daughter And Didn't Miss Her

Well…that’s not entirely true. I missed her a teeny, tiny, bit but only at the beginning.

I went on a girls trip to Nashville with one of my best friends, for three nights, the longest I have ever been away from my almost-two-year-old tot.

My trip to Hobart early this year was the previous record holder- two nights away. 

This time I flew the full five hour itinerary alone which was something I looked forward to. In transit...just like the old days when I traveled so much airports calmed me, like home.

Dressed, hair did, makeup on, I felt good about myself that day. When I walked downstairs my Mother said to me, “Wow, you don’t look like a Mom today,” which I took as a huge compliment.

I didn’t 'feel' like a Mom even though I chatted about my daughter with the coffee lady at the airport.

The first leg to Baltimore was too short, I barely had time to finish my iced latte and a few chapters of the new David Sedaris novel. Hot tip: If you want strangers to talk to you, dye your hair purple.

On that next flight from Baltimore to Nashville I turned on some relaxing music and closed my eyes. I pictured taking a bath while Lavinia roamed the bathroom. She got bored and wanted to climb in with me so I let her. She was affectionate, hugging me with her perfect little body and little pink arms. It was almost as if she knew I would be leaving in a few hours.
She stayed in the water patiently while I finished getting ready- which is unheard of. I sang to her to ensure she remained distracted.

Speeding though the clouds those images played in my mind I felt a physical pang in my heart. I missed her voice, smile and determined (bossy) attitude. Usually it takes about 24 hours before I'm craving time with her and I wondered if I would miss her during the whole trip.
I missed her again when my Mom called us on Facetime the next morning, other than that, I wish I could have easily added a fourth night to my stay. Me time!!!

Nashville was “excessive fun and madness” to quote our Jamacian-born Uber driver. My girlfriend and I spent an entire day cowboy-boot shopping, experienced the legendary Grand Ole Opry, saw tons of live music, and ‘Honkey Tonked’ our way down Broadway.
Me and my purple hair and new tattoos fit right in. Nashville is full of musicians, producers and artists trying to make it. Even though I could not carry a tune if it had a handle on it, I felt at ease surrounded by the buzz of creativity, inspiration and ambition.
I guess it's all about finding a tribe as I circle back to my first passions in life, painting and story-telling. I'm incredibly lucky to have found a supportive community of bloggers who share advice, experience and ideas with one another.

Not only does it feel good to share knowledge with these talented people but I think it comes back around, adding to the collective creative community. 

 Conclusion: If you are away from your kids and you don't miss them, it does not make you a bad Mom, in fact it makes you a good one (if you do miss them you're also a good one.) It's important to make time for your non-mama self and carve out a little place in your identity that belongs to only you...At the very least it's something your children can look up to.

Here is a tiny sample of some of the wonderful blogs I follow by women I am honored to call friends. Rock on.

Peachy Keen Mumma
The Mummy and the Minx
Lila Wolf Blog
Meet Me at Mikes


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posted by Unknown @ 5:20 AM   9 Comments

Wednesday, May 27, 2015

What Parenting Taught Me About Art & Bravery



Becoming a parent has forced my humanity to develop at warp speed. Once my daughter was born the world changed. And even more than that psychic shift, I suddenly felt accountable for my actions past, present and future.

As I’m sure we all know, it’s hard to take advice from someone who does not practice what they preach. If I have high expectations for my daughter I must hold myself to those same standards, otherwise my advice to her is useful as vapor.

Of course I want my little girl to chase her dreams, break barriers, and be a kind soul. Well then darn it- it’s time for me to be all those things and more so I can show her how it's done.

I always thought I was one of those people who had not found ‘my thing,’ my life’s passion. The truth is, I knew what it was all along I was just too afraid to own it.

Don’t get me wrong, I've lived, have been a little bit interested in a lot of different things. Like taking yoga in foreign languages, eating dinner in complete darkness, sailing on ferries, giving out fake names, playing matchmaker, stealing toilet paper, tattooing a human, falling in love with an Australian stranger in Malaysia then marrying him. It’s been an unforgettable whirlwind.

Despite all those wild memories I can’t shake the feeling that even though it appears I have been living my dreams, I've actually been distracting myself from them.

When you become a mother at 32 (almost 33) you've lived enough life to know that your options are instantly limited. The list of things you will never do grows longer and your wide, bright future becomes a pinhole- understandable because your priorities have changed. That's quite a lot of pressure for a free spirit however if you are also a procrastinator like myself, it might just be the ignition you need to get into gear.

I have traveled the world, married a wonderful man, given birth to a healthy child but what good are those things if I have not created something just for myself? If I am fulfilled I will be a better wife/ mother/ person and my daughter is the direct benefactor.

Growing up my heart and life revolved around the arts. I danced, painted, played instruments, sang, acted, wrote stories and poetry. All these things were encouraged and supported until University Graduation. Suddenly I was supposed to act like a grown up and ‘get a real job’ which sounded dreadfully boring. 


And yes, I could have gone against the grain and fought hard for my dream but it’s not easy when you are a young person being launched into the world. Your parents’ opinions mean everything especially when you aren't mature enough to trust yourself. I looked for guidance everywhere but within. “Shadow artists did not receive sufficient nurturing. They blame themselves for not acting fearlessly anyhow (Julia Cameron).”

So now, no more blame. I can look at my adventures, half-cooked ideas, abandoned career paths and use those as material and inspiration for my new creative life. 

I sound so confident don't I? Really though, I’m shitting myself. Every now and then I think “what’s the point,” or “I’m not good enough.” But even I can respect someone who tries and fails more than someone who never tries at all.

Now the work begins. Here I am, an adult student in a limitless classroom. There are no assignments, no deadlines, no grades, no graduation. I am the only one to judge whether or not I’m trying my hardest. The only one who knows if my goals are getting enough attention. The top key performance indicator will be- whether I am someone my daughter can look up to.



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posted by Unknown @ 11:40 AM   6 Comments

Thursday, April 2, 2015

The Feminist Housewife





I am a feminist and a stay-at-home Mother. Seems like a paradox.

Well, I don’t feel bad about staying at home. I’m not bored or unfulfilled.Why do I feel like loving it is a dirty little secret?

Look, it’s a damn difficult job staying home. It’s 24-7. No breaks. No privacy. Just as I’m sure it’s damn exhausting to have to go to an office, then come home and take over the 24-7 shift. As Amy Poelher says about being a working Mom in her very quotable book:
“There is an unspoken pact that women are supposed to follow.  I am supposed to act like I constantly feel guilty about being away from my kids. (I don’t. I love my job.) Mothers who stay at home are supposed to pretend they’re bored and wish they were doing corporate things. (They don’t, they love their job.) If we all stick to the plan there will be less blood in the streets.”- From Poehler's Yes Please
And that’s the truth, we only have each other to blame for tearing one another down. The guilt and judgement would stop if we just admit we all like what we are doing. If you are unhappy generally then I would wager your job has nothing to do with it.
Photo: Sara Heidinger Photography
I tend to be a bit clingy as a mother. I blame being a transplant but sometimes I think it’s because I get too wrapped up in my daughter and need to step back. We spend 50.00 per week to put Lavinia in a five hour Day Care session...so I can breathe (and go to the dentist and all that fun stuff.) Yesterday we rocked up on our usual day, packed and ready to go, and I realized the place was closed due to Spring Holidays. (Those of you who have experienced travelling with me are not surprised.)

Vinnie and I turned around, and went home without any tears shed (by me.) I even good-naturedly attempted a few things on my to-do list. The yoga DVD was a fail since she kept climbing on me during my downward dog saying “horsey, horsey.” I turned on the TV babysitter while I wrote a few emails and found her 45 minutes later nose to screen.  Not my finest parenting moment.

But you know the truth, even though I got a few things done yesterday despite myself I can FEEL it when I don’t have that tiny, little break from my daughter. I was downright lethargic, migraine forming, when Matt arrived home last night. And to think of how torn I was before making the decision to put her into daycare in the first place. I am completely grateful that we can afford this luxury. And I realize that many families cannot justify the cost especially if they have more than one child.

I guess my point is even if you elect to, and enjoy, staying home, you still need some me time. All jobs have pros and cons, moments of boredom and times when you want to quit. There are days when I want to walk out the front door and drown in a dark pub and there are times when I can’t believe I get away with spending every day with the most interesting mini-person on the planet.

There are a few key things you need to consider when making the gigantic decision about working: To be paid or not to be paid...that is the question.

Most items are common sense:
  • The cost of Child Care vs Take home Pay- if you LOVE your job, maybe it's not about the money
  • How passionate you are about your career vs your hobbies- can you make enough time for hobbies at home to feel fulfilled?
  • Do you have the energy to work both in and outside the home? Energy tends to be on short supply no matter what.
My extra bit advice if you want it- Leave that practical stuff last and decide first and foremost what will make you happiest as a parent and as a person despite any societal judgments.

Girl Fraaaaands...yes that's my wine. I had adult supervision.

Nothing is set in stone and few things in life are a perfect fit. You can try something and see if you can make it work and if not change it up. Just be confident in what you want and who you are (it took me a long time to get there) even if it is a stay-at-home feminist.

After all- it's about the choice.

I agree with Amy- can both sides just admit we love our jobs?  What do you think?

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posted by Unknown @ 2:42 PM   0 Comments

Monday, February 16, 2015

8 Career Tips For College Graduates

Take the road less traveled, it's more fun.

Why am I qualified to dispense this advice?
I was like the quintessential, quarter-life crisis cliche. I had no idea what to do with my life and I tried a bit of everything. I mean, check out this list of job titles I've held over the years: Freelance Journalist, Marketing Coordinator, International Correspondent, Matchmaker’s Apprentice, Executive Assistant, Senior Supporter Services Team Member and Manager, Digital Media Coordinator.

Personal Resume
When I graduated with my Bachelor’s degree (as we all know 'just an English BA' even though I was about 6 credits shy of a double major in English and Studio Art.) I was in no way prepared for the real world...whatever that meant. 

Dreams of being an artist dashed, I set out to do what any recent college grad would do. I took a thousand personality tests online so I could find some direction.  Suffice to say all that did was confuse me further.

Then I took the logical next steps. I sat the LSAT, filled out a peace-core application and applied to graduate school. Something had to shake out right?

Since I didn't really know if I could cope with living in a tent and bombed the LSAT, grad school was the clear winning choice. Plus school was familiar, safe and achievable. I proceeded to place myself into massive debt while I earned a Masters in Humanities. Ask me if I've ever used it. Nope. And I’m still paying it off at age 34. Basically I was delaying entry into said ‘real world.’

Do I have any regrets? No. Would I change some things if I could to make it a bit easier/ less expensive? Sure. So here is my advice to you, 22 year old self...if I could do it all over again with some minor tweaks.

Advice I would give my 22-year old-self if I could do it all again...

1. Get an Internship
If you missed out on this vital piece of advice during your college days, see if you can get one post-graduation. It’s less scary than committing to a job, especially if you’re unsure about your career path. At my first and only internship I found a mentor, made all sorts of contacts, created a portfolio of work and landed a marketing job. Bonus, it still looks good on my resume. I tended bar on weekends to supplement my income. Which brings me to my next point.

2. Lower your expectations
Tend bar, wait tables, hammer some nails for a while. Just because you have a degree does not make you too good for unskilled work. It teaches you about life, humanity, teamwork and business. When I moved to Melbourne I had to wait tables at age 29 with a graduate degree until I found an inroad to the Australian market. Do what you have to do rather than settle.  Future employers will respect the salty, hard work. It’s also a great way to support yourself if you are trying to start your own business or turn a hobby into a career.

3. Figure out what you don’t want
Look, sometimes you just have to take a job out of necessity even if you’re unsure about it (see point 2.) Sometimes learning about what you don’t want is just as important as figuring out what you do. I’m not one of those people born with a calling so I tried many different roles. Remember the golden rule: Your major does not determine your career- so don't pigeonhole yourself. Try something out if it seems interesting. Apply for that job you feel unqualified for. Just avoid the trap of getting too comfortable in a role you don’t enjoy. This is how people get ‘stuck.’ Don’t get stuck, get a plane ticket.

4. Travel
Seriously I bet you can give me a thousand excuses about why you cannot travel- and they're rubbish. Did you know you can make money by working overseas? You can. And you can find someone to watch your dog. And you can find a place to store your car. I should have taken a year off after college to travel. Bumming around Europe would have been far less expensive that that grad degree I’m still paying for. Stop worrying that employers will frown upon a gap year- betcha it makes you more interesting than the next candidate. You will learn far more about life on the road than in any textbook or office.  Teach English as a Second Language (ESL), or find a country like Australia that offers work and holiday visas to people under 30. Go.

5. Do Your Homework
What’s that? The whole point of being a graduate is that there is no more homework? Wrong. Get out there and talk to professionals in fields that interest you. Offer to assist them for a day or take them out for coffee. You will be amazed at what you can learn. Ask them about their day-to-day. Ask them if they like their job. Ask them if they are happy. Seek advice on how YOU can get there too. Keep your ears and your notebook open. I can't think of a better way to get an honest snapshot of a specific career and lifestyle.

6. Reject The Pressure
Society sends a crippling message to young people regarding careers.  "A career should be fulfilling, make a difference in the world and earn you a lot of money." It will become part of your identity so it must also make you happy. But you can't work too much because you need balance." Sound impossible? That’s because it is. I remember my Dad telling me that when he was young, the goal was to find a job to make money and support a family. Your job should not and does not define you as a person.  We are all more complex than that. Sometimes it's just a job.

7. Network Like Crazy
Meet new people and talk to anyone who will listen. Get on social media, go to free events, put your resume online. Volunteer at a non-profit. Connect with career networking sites like LinkedIn.

I exchanged a few emails with Joe, Community Manager at TheLadders (an NYC based job finder) and not only is he a smart and personable guy, he was quite genuine when I asked him why the company is looking to help young people find careers:
"TheLadders wants to help young professionals be more successful in their job search because many of us can relate to the struggle of finding our first real job. I know not too long ago, I was in the same situation myself, looking to start my career after I received my diploma. When you don't have a lot of experience searching to find the right fit, it can be hard to know where to start. The job market is very competitive and can sometimes be a little scary."
Well said. The first step is usually the most difficult. And then you take the next one. You got this.

8. Take Risks
If you try and fail it’s better than not trying at all. Even if everything falls apart you will learn something valuable.  Don’t remain paralyzed by fear or negativity. You will not recieve your dream on a silver platter, no matter how long you wait, so you best get out there and risk it all. Here is the best article  I've ever read on finding your purpose. The article says you should be doing the thing that "makes you forget to eat, sleep and poop."  I never thought anything could make me forget to eat, but writing does. Nuff said.

Happiness off the beaten-path
Best wishes for an inspiring and rad journey! x

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posted by Unknown @ 10:04 PM   5 Comments

Wednesday, January 21, 2015

Perspective: How A Flat World Becomes Round



Becoming a parent is confronting and forces you to see the world in a different way than you previously imagined. The only thing I can compare it to is hindsight but without the inevitable wisdom. 

Never has anything been more important to me than motherhood. In the beginning I felt vulnerable and unprepared, knowing more about what kind of parent I did not want to be than how to be a parent. The pressure I put on myself was intense and unfair. I’m still not sure about what kind of mother I will turn out to be, least now I'm cool with figuring it out as we cruise.











Sixteen months into my parenting journey I feel my consciousness shifting the way it did when I first became a grown-up.  Maybe it’s a confidence thing or maybe it’s about making informed choices and taking responsibility.

















Upon turning 25 I found my adulthood sea-legs. I negotiated for and bought a car by myself (bringing my Dad along for one test drive.) I ended a rotten relationship (dude wouldn't even come with me to pick up my new car.) I owned a wardrobe that reflected my personality (bought on credit.) Grad school was ending and I applied for a job that would take me overseas. I stopped blaming my parents. The world was wide and waiting. 

Surprisingly, today feels just as full of promise as it did at age 25. I struggled into my 30's- adjusting to a new country, a new name, a new life. Even after all that becoming a parent was next level challenging- but we've made it through that historically difficult first year.





In the first year of parenting time stands still and lunges forward with little predictability, it makes you feel completely uncoordinated. At least now I’m getting used to the mother-dance and its ever-shifting steps. More importantly, I’m finally comfortable with how I'm moving along with it.

My little girl is a mirror. When I speak, I hear her voice now; the drawn-out American way “Bye” sounds like it has two syllables (a bit annoying). Or the way our tone rises when we say “hmm?” Or how she pats people on the shoulder when giving hugs like I do while comforting her. Soon it will move beyond the physical and she will mimic the way I handle change, growth and stress.

















Lavinia sees me more clearly than anyone ever has or ever will.  She makes me want to be a better person, like falling in love, not because I want her to love me more but because I know she will benefit from the work I do on myself.

I've cast out a weighty anchor but I don't feel stuck. In this stillness I have the opportunity to focus on passions I neglected while running around the world. Yes your travel becomes limited when you have children- for at least another 18 years or so- but that forces you to take more of an internal journey.  At this time in my life I look forward to steering toward my dreams.

What are the moments in life where you felt a change in perspective? 

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posted by Unknown @ 10:30 AM   0 Comments