Kangaroo Spotting

Wednesday, May 25, 2016

PND, A Partner's Perspective

Sponsored by Bupa Australia.

My husband, Matthew is a problem solver. He is a project manager and is responsible for millions of dollars’ worth of contracts, hundreds of employees and working-around potentially expensive mistakes.

When Matt couldn’t fix my postnatal depression he felt helpless, not a familiar feeling for a bloke like him. Not only was I difficult to live with at the time but I was so absorbed in my own struggle that I was unable to see just how much my pain was tearing him up inside.

Women who experience postnatal depression (PND) need a lot of support, that’s a given. But I think we need to acknowledge what the partners go through as well. Dads and partners also live with the illness and can even experience PND themselves.

I spent most of my time and energy trying to look like a normal, joyful mother while out in public but when my husband walked through the door at night I had nothing left for him. I couldn’t even pretend. He always had me at my absolute worst.

I snapped easily, my mood swings were unpredictable, and usually because Matt was the person in my firing line he copped all of it. And the resentment- oh the resentment!

In the early days I was jealous of his hour commute and lunch breaks (when he actually had time to take them) because at least he got to be alone or speak to adults.

One morning as he was leaving for work, I was feeding our daughter while crying my eyes out. He offered to make me a cup of tea and even though I would have liked one, I said, “No! Just go ahead and leave, just leave us!”

What a horrible thing for him to hear as he was preparing for a stressful day of work. Even writing about that morning makes my eyes misty. The poor guy was simply trying to show me how much he cared.

Dads want to enjoy it too

I’m well aware of my privilege. I have a supportive husband with a great job, I live in a beautiful house and we are comfortable. That’s the thing about PND though, unfortunately, it does not discriminate.

Something I heard at a postnatal depression talk will stick with me forever because I felt like the woman was speaking about me.

“Sometimes the mums who appear to have it all together are the ones who are struggling the most.”

And though this is true, standing next to that mum is a partner who is also struggling.

We are a closer family thanks to The Parent & Baby Wellbeing Program

How can we better support partners of PND sufferers?

Labels: anxiety, Family, health, Identity, motherhood, parenting, Post Natal Depression, Pregnancy

Tuesday, May 24, 2016

Going Public About Postnatal Depression

Thursday, November 26, 2015

Stop Telling Me To Have Another Kid!

My daughter was only a few weeks old the first time someone casually asked me when I was going to have another baby. (???!!!) As the years roll on the question comes faster and more furiously.

Look, I get it, sometimes people are just making conversation however when they persist things can get awkward. I've gotten into near arguments with people trying to change my mind about having another one rightthisminute.

Luckily for me I should be physically able to bear a second baby but wouldn't I feel terrible if I couldn't? Why should I have to rehash that every time a well-meaning (opinionated) stranger asks about my family plans?

Here are the most common reasons people give for having two kids in a row (always from people with two or more kids in a row) and why I disagree. Feel free to use these arguments next time you get bombarded.

1. Age Gap

I’d like to have words with the so-called expert who decided there is an ideal age gap between siblings. My brother and I are four years apart and we survived just fine. In fact, I remember HELPING my Mom with him when he was a baby. Once I saved his life when the phone rang and he tumbled into my bath while our Mom went to answer it.

Truth be told, my bro and I weren’t besties growing up but I that had way more to do with personality differences. If we were one year, two years, or five years apart it would have been the same deal. Now I love that dude to pieces and I’m grateful for him. We even have matching tats because we rule.

I hope my daughter knows that sibling bond someday…just not today.

2. Get the hard years over with at once

Come on! Having two babies close in age means double the hard stuff. You can’t fool me.

Look, this comes down to personal preference. I like to space out life’s tough stuff (within my control) with some fluff in between. Some brave folks prefer to put heads down, kiss fun goodbye for a few years, then look up and see if they made it to the other side. May the force be with you.

If it were me- I would never leave the house. The thought of loading baby/diaper-bag/stroller x 2 would be too draining (good thing I don't have twins or triplets!)

"I’ll take tantrums over breastfeeding, a single stroller over a double, grilled cheese sandwiches over veggie purees, potty-training over vomit, and babycinos over bottles. That’s just me. You won’t change my mind."

These days my two-year-old pals around with me like a little legend. She sits still long enough for a coffee date and I can bribe her with frozen yoghurt while I shop the Kmart home goods section. She even digs sitting in shopping carts while I do the dreaded grocery shopping. Oh and did I mention she’s been sleeping 12 hours a night since age 7 months? Yeah I’m bragging. You would too.

3. If you wait too long you won’t want to go back for another

Whats wrong with an only?

Maybe I just lost the desire to do it again. Are you concerned I’ll have regrets? That’s so thoughtful!

The prospect of ‘going back to the newborn days’ at any time sounds daunting (and terrifying) but if people tell you that they didn’t have another baby simply because they ‘waited to long’ I'd be suspicious. I know couples who have gone to the ends of the Earth to have a child. If someone REALLY and TRULY wanted another baby they would do it. Even if it meant their comfy routine would be punctuated with newborn demands.

4. The Mother’s Age

Your eggs are wilting!

Lot’s of Mothers are waiting until their 30’s to have babies because our Mamma’s taught us ‘career first!’ Admittedly there is a bit of biological pressure to crank the kids out close together in this case. I’ve read the stats and they are scary. Yes, our lifetime supply of eggs dwindle and chances of birth defects rise with each passing year.

No denying that it’s statistically it’s easier to get pregnant the younger you are and it’s undeniable you’ll have more energy the earlier you do (but maybe if you’re older you can afford more help).

So with this one I kind of see your point but to each their own (which is my point about this whole business really).

Just so you know- I’m willing to risk it. And I’m talking about waiting like ONE more year, not seven, so calm yourselves people (there…you’ve gotten it out of me, I’ve revealed my plan).

Defence rests.

What about the risk of Post Natal Depression (PND) a second time?

There is no denying that I had it tough emotionally after the birth of my daughter and it took me a long time to feel normal again.

I’d be lying if I said I’m not worried about battling with post natal depression again but it’s not the only reason I’m putting Rieniets 2.0 on hold.

Call me selfish but in many ways I feel that when my daughter was born so was I. When you only have a tiny fraction of time to yourself as a parent- you try your damnedest to make that time count (once you have the energy to do so).

All I wanted to do was set a good example for my baby girl and in doing so I’ve started following my dreams. I would like one more year to work on those things before I have to scale it all back (which I will happily do for my family). Someday I hope ‘both’ kids will thank me because they will have a contented and fulfilled Momma.

Besides, I’m just not that into two kids in diapers at the same time.

Labels: Family, health, Post Natal Depression, Pregnancy

Thursday, September 3, 2015

14 of the Cutest Ways to Announce Pregnancy or Gender

I have been mentally collecting some of the cute pregnancy/ gender/ new sibling announcements that I've seen lately and I wanted to share my favorites with you.

Note: I've specifically selected ones that don't look like they require a team of stylists- which means they could be re-created with ease!

The one of the things I learned with my first pregnancy, along with what 'Babymoon' means, is that new parents are pressured to come up with cute, clever and unique ways to announce the pregnancy on social media.

To tell you the truth I was kindofalittlebit excited about it. Because I’m an expat I share a lot, A LOT, on social media- it keeps me connected to my friends and family in America (that's my story and I'm sticking to it). #lovesocialmedia #overshare

In the early weeks, once I told everyone I wanted to tell in person via Skype or email, I was ready to blast the message out to my wider Facebook community. I wanted to do it in a way that didn't feel forced or cheesy.

After scouring Pinterest for ideas on how to tell the world I was ‘up the duff’ (as they affectionately say here in Australia) I couldn't find exactly the right image. A few of the examples made me tear up (hormones!) and others were way too complicated and time consuming for my tired, newly-peggi butt.

When I was enjoying some alone time at our local pool inspiration struck and this was the photo I shared on my timeline:

Wow, my nails AND toes are done and legs shaved....I was not yet a Mother.

Simple, honest and not too staged. Happy I was with all the kind messages and congratulations. <3

I’m kiiiiiiind of a control freak so I needed to know the gender of my baby. Keeping that a surprise was never even an option for me. When I found out I was having a girl (the best moment of my life to that point) I was even more siked to share the good news. As you will see in my list below, I really dig the shoe pics, so naturally I went with...you guessed it...a shoe pic.

Yes I bought those little leopard shoes specifically for my gender announcement.

So here you are guys- My personal faves.

1. Move on Over Fur-babies

Source

2. Because rules

Source

3. Vacate the premises

4. Barftastic

5. Shoe timeline

6. Shoe lineup

7. Shoe dates

8. Get messy

9. Balloons!

Source

10. Dr Seuss

Source

11. A little bit country

12. Gamers

13. Autumn inspo

14. Rude awakening

15. Count cuteness

Source

How did you announce your pregnancy?

Labels: Family, motherhood, parenting, Pregnancy

Tuesday, May 19, 2015

Lalia & Spot: Dress Review

A public service announcement to all first time preggies out there...don't be scared just be prepared.

{Laila & Spot graciously allowed me to chose an item from their current line to review. Like a kid in a candy store I picked out this dress that I can't wear until after I have another baby (which sounds like an odd statement)....but at least next time around I'll have something functional and adorable.}

Recently I got to know L&S and hung around one of their photo-shoots, it was an awesome afternoon meeting some really nice people not to mention I had the chance to write about a niche clothing line that I could have used myself 19 months ago!!!

Laila & Spot design clothing for new mothers- read: not maternity wear.

When you give birth, your body completely changes. It’s different from your old body which you knew well, and different from your pregnant body which you had nine months with which to familiarize yourself. Now you’re dealing with out of control hormones, temperature fluctuations, milk production, and sagging to name a few.

New mothers have much different and more specific needs than pregnant women. They need accessibility- to the milk-givers. They need stretch in some places and camouflage in others. They need breath-ability, wipe-ability and dewrinkle-ability.

The kicker is, no one tells you to prepare your wardrobe for these things when you are pregnant with your first baby. Nope, let's just sell you a thousand bump-hugging things that will be useless post partum! Let me tell you, the bump gets a lot less cute without a baby in it.

So here’s this dress. I loved it the first time I saw it on the L&S website. It’s a bit fun, sporty and can be worn in summer alone, or in winter with leggings and a cardigan or long sleeves.

Did I mention it's as comfy as it looks?

And check out the placement of this zip. It’s above boobies so it won’t hug or draw attention to them (trust me they will draw enough attention on their own when they are squirting all over the place.) When you unzip, there is a small privacy shield so that you can easily control how much nip to expose...especially in those early days of breastfeeding when you may be uncomfortable (I remember trying to ‘cover up’ the first few days but eventually I resigned all dignity and fed everywhere.)

The orangy-red neckline draws attention to your face because trust me you don’t want people checking out your bod or judging you on how much babyweight you’ve lost (which they will do anyway.) And the matching trim on the skirt is just enough of a cute detail without being too blocky which could mess with the clean line of the dress.

There are two nice big pockets, big enough to hold tissues, bottles, dummies or whatever else you need. I doubt you’ll use them for your hands because they will always be full with stuff.

The fabric is nice and natural-feeling and comfy enough that I would consider passing out in it and going out in public the same day.

Even at 30 pounds heavier this would still look cute, don'tcha think?

Laila, a Mother of two, came up with the idea for this company when her oldest was only a few months old. Like me, she struggled to find clothes to fit her post-baby body and ended up with buying button-downs that were too big and frumpy.

I asked Laila if she had any advice for pregnant first time Mothers and I could not agree more with what she said:

"Most mums are focussed on the birth and find it difficult to think beyond that. While you are still pregnant, work out what will happen after the arrival of your little one. A lot of people make birth plans – I think making a post birth plan is a great idea. Things like who will do the cooking, what your new routine might be like.

Buy yourself something nice to wear once the baby is born. It will lift you up on tired days having something comfortable, bright and easy to wear."

You can find L&S clothing for new Mummies on their website.

If you are interested in trying things on in person and you live in Australia or New Zealand, shoot them an email hello@lailaandspot.com.au with your postcode and they will point you in the direction of a retailer near you.

Labels: parenting, Pregnancy, Product Love

Thursday, March 26, 2015

Laila & Spot: Helping New Mothers Look Sane Since 2013

{This is not a sponsored post and opinions are all my own. As I was finishing up this piece, Laila & Spot kindly offered to send me an item of my choice to review in a future post. Can't wait!}

Why is it so difficult to find nursing-wear that is not hideous or expensive? (And I’m speaking from an Australian-shopping perspective.)

I spent a small fortune on maternity wear, most of it bump-hugging and glorious. I never had the courage to show off my midsection until it held a fetus (even in the 1990’s when I was pre-pubescent and crop-tops were a thing.) What fun it was, proudly bouncing around...until near the end when I was living in plus-size hoodies and hibernating on my couch like a Canadian Grizzly.

French Connection tube dress in one size larger than I (used to) wear.

Apologies in advance because there she goes again: I often rant about Australian prices to anyone who will listen.Things are bloody expensive here!!! Look, I get it... People make a living wage which is great, blah blah, but in my opinion, ya’ll have been a captive audience for way too long and retailers have been taking advantage.The sticker shock has worn off now that I'm five years entrenched but my other gripe is lack of variety. If I’m going to shell out big dollars I want to have more than two things to choose from.

Much to my naivety- once I gave birth to my bouncing baby girl, those stretchy tube dresses were no longer practical. I went from belly-pride to belly-hide in a matter of moments. Not to mention I lacked the foresight necessary to realize that my boobs needed to be freed from my clothing about a thousand times daily.

This is what you look like after giving birth- notice, the belly does not magically disappear along with the effects of the epidural.

Don't think the drugs had worn off yet

Desperate and exhausted, I scoured the internet for nursing-friendly attire, and found some amazing, and comfy looking clothes....in Scandinavia...with price-tags even higher than Australian ones. So I surrendered to my sweats, and big button-downs. I completely lost any sense of pride in the way I looked- call me superficial but at the time I needed all the help I could get. I felt fat, unattractive and unsure about the battered body which had just let forth a miracle.

I remember wishing I knew how to sew because I saw a big, fat, gaping hole in the Australian market. Someone needed to design cute, comfy, affordable, nursing-wear for new mothers. While I moaned frumpily, someone was all over it and her name is Laila. She founded a revolutionary company called Laila & Spot.

Finally! Clothing for new mothers and I'm not talking about maternity wear. I had a great laugh reading the section on their website No Pregnant Chicks.

“So you WERE a glowing, expecting mum. But now you ARE a mum – a first time mum or a mum all over again. Either way, among other challenges to be overcome – get ready for war with your wardrobe.”

Thank you Laila. You get it.

She came up with the idea for the company after the birth of her son, where much like me, Laila felt like she no longer knew her body and nothing fit properly. She remembers visitors dropping in during those first hazy weeks and she was sick of receiving them in her pajamas.

Laila explained it perfectly when she told me that in those sleepless early days- a nice outfit would have made such a difference in the way she felt. And like me- Laila moaned until her husband finally said to her "then why don't you do something about it." And she did.

I had the opportunity to scope out some of the Laila & Spot's latest designs at a photoshoot for their new line. Not only are the clothes adorable but the models were real Mums and fans of L&S. A few had their little babies right there at the shoot, one little guy only 4 weeks old! If you ask me- that's proof these clothes work for new and nursing mothers.

L&S clothing is trans-seasonal and is designed to be layered. This is strategic, taking into consideration the rapidly changing body temperatures for new mothers. The fabrics are breathable, stretchy and easily wipe-able (bonus.) Plus they have zips in all the right places, privacy shields and great, metal clasps. Gone are the days of fiddling with the crappy plastic ones.

L&S have engineered a user-friendly clasp. Yus!

And in even more good news, the colors and lines are simple so the pieces mix and match easily. They are clean, practical designs and in my opinion will appeal to all different tastes.

Play

Night Out

Work

Their current range of everyday items range from about 30.00-65.00. They are made in India, not far from where Laila herself grew up. Fair work practices and environmental sustainability are priorities to this company so it's refreshingly not about finding the cheapest place to manufacture.

Five fantastic real-life Mums at the L&S photoshoot

It’s understandably difficult to picture what post-baby-life looks like when you’re pregnant with your first. My old friend hindsight has given me yet another gift which I will take as advice: "Next time you are preggers, invest in post-baby threads." I share this wisdom because believe me, clothes are the last thing you’ll have the energy to worry about with a newborn hanging around.

Trust me. You don't want to end up in public looking like this.

Check out my review of a Laila & Spot Two Tone Dress here.

Labels: health, motherhood, Pregnancy, Product Love

Sunday, February 15, 2015

Join Me on Facebook So We Can Be Awesome Together

I was in serious need of some Namaste today. A van cut me off on my way to yoga and my immediate reaction was to swear and flip the guy off. Twice.

This week has been difficult. A loved one is trying to deny the existence of my depression prior to the post-natal. It’s a sickening feeling when you feel you need to prove such a thing to someone. Clearly the reason my middle finger was on a hair trigger.

I was hoping to find some peace of mind in yoga class. I ‘know’ that I don’t need to prove myself my feelings to anyone, but I wanted to believe it and meditate on it.

And then something incredible happened. I was given a gift. An inspiration. An idea.

My Kangaroo Spotting Facebook Page: It was just sitting there, doing not much, when I realized that it could be the start of my (our) very own community.

We all need support in our lives at times. Especially when we become mothers (or Fathers.) Sometimes you just need an encouraging word, or advice from someone. I mean, you could try and figure it out- but Googling your butt off can’t take the place of chatting to someone who cares.

I have many Mom/ Mum friends in various places around the world (and other sympathetic non-mother friends too) and I've recently met some creative and compassionate bloggers online. I feel privileged to know so many amazing, smart, funny and beautiful people. I wish we could get together in a room and have a serious love fest....clearly the logistics don’t make sense when we are busy living on different continents and all soooooooooooooo.....

I thought the Kangaroo Spotting Facebook page could be our virtual hang out. A place where the rad women I know (and other like-mindeds) can ask for a hand, for a advice or just for understanding.

I belong to a few Mommy/ Mum’s groups online and they tend to become troll-y, trashy and bitchy. Let’s have our own space my gorgeous goddesses (and gods)! And let’s see how it works out.

Labels: Career, Family, healing, health, motherhood, parenting, Post Natal Depression, Pregnancy

Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Get into the Spirit of Self Confidence

Forty Weeks

Four Weeks

I’m pleased to be taking recess from therapy for a few weeks. My last visit sounded more like a gossip session because not much was troubling me.

My reactions are becoming much more appropriate to specific situations these days. It is normal to freak out about taking Lavinia to the emergency room, not about going for a drive. Progress.

I went from having a couple good days now and then, to a couple bad days now and then.

Since my brain is behaving, I am devoting my energy to physical health. After all, the two are not separate.

I’m at an age where I place no faith in diets. Tell me I can’t have something and I want it all the more. Over the years I have learned that as long as I move my body, I can pretty much eat what I want. When I go overboard I repent- yesterday's nachos are today's steamed veggies.

I enjoy a mainly healthy lifestyle. Cooking relaxes me and exercise is my stress reliever (when I have time and motivation for it). Don’t get me wrong, I indulge. I looooove food. Any meal can be made better with melted cheese on top. Carbs are not the devil. And don’t forget the wine. "Everything in moderation, including moderation itself," (Oscar Wilde).

Because I battled with a thyroid disease since age 14 I understand the emotional ups and downs that accompany numbers on a scale. As a result I don’t do scales either. No diets and no scales. I try to tune in to what my body craves, put on my sneakers and run from temptation...most of the time.

When I got pregnant just shy of my 32^nd birthday I wigged. At 30 I was finally comfortable in my own skin and now this innocent little intruder was going to wreck it. A big, fat, test of my body-image belief system.

After weeks of struggling internally I was forced to let the pregnancy do it's natural thing while I adjusted my ideas of what health and beauty looked like. Society expects pregnant women to be these buff little Momma's with toned arms. Two long legs with a beach-ball stuffed beneath a fashionable figure-hugging maternity top. Well guess what? That's not how it works.

Every pregnancy is as unique as every human body. Rather than try to look like that ideal svelte-figure smuggling a soccer-ball, I decided to focus on the health of the little nugget inside me. I exercised, not to prevent weight gain, but to get oxygen flowing through my blood and into my fetus. I gulped down vitamins, drank spirulina smoothies and nettle tea (and of course, gave into my cake cravings).

I lovingly absolved myself from pressure to bounce back after Lavinia was born. It takes nine months to put the baby-weight on, it’s only practical that it should take another nine to remove it.

Fast forward: Now that I finally had the time to think about myself again, I felt weak, squishy and fatigued. Rather than a focus on 'losing those last few pounds' my goals became- better sleep, better moods, more energy.

I joined a gym with child-minding and a month ago started training with a female bodybuilder. It’s really hard work trying to catch up to where I was before I got pregnant. Every training day I wake up and want to cancel...but I haven’t missed one session. My strength and confidence are returning with every bench press.

Forget ideals, forget unrealistic expectations or comparisons. Worship at the alter of good health and well-being!

I will be sharing before and after photos at the end of October. Check out my results here!

One week before Lavinia was born

Labels: anxiety, Fitness, healing, health, Post Natal Depression, Pregnancy

Kangaroo Spotting

Kangaroo Spotting

Wednesday, May 25, 2016

PND, A Partner's Perspective

Tuesday, May 24, 2016

Going Public About Postnatal Depression

Thursday, November 26, 2015

Stop Telling Me To Have Another Kid!

"I’ll take tantrums over breastfeeding, a single stroller over a double, grilled cheese sandwiches over veggie purees, potty-training over vomit, and babycinos over bottles. That’s just me. You won’t change my mind."

Thursday, September 3, 2015

14 of the Cutest Ways to Announce Pregnancy or Gender

So here you are guys- My personal faves.

How did you announce your pregnancy?

Tuesday, May 19, 2015

Lalia & Spot: Dress Review

Thursday, March 26, 2015

Laila & Spot: Helping New Mothers Look Sane Since 2013

Sunday, February 15, 2015

Join Me on Facebook So We Can Be Awesome Together

Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Get into the Spirit of Self Confidence

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