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Kangaroo Spotting

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Friday, August 31, 2012

The Honeymoon Odyssey: Leaving Melbourne and Why did I buy 50 Shades of Grey?

It’s a little pathetic that I have not updated this blog in a year.  I have my excuses and I’m sticking to them.  Two weddings on two different continents and to top it off, a honeymoon that would take me and my super-married husband around the globe.

More wedding posts to come but for now I need to start with the Magnificent Honeymoon Extraordinaire.  Part one:  The Tullamarine Airport.

 Packed-up, checked-in and in the airport gift shop is where I made my first honeymoon purchase.  A little novel by the name- “Fifty Shades of Grey.” 

Let me explain.

I put off reading this little gem while I was busy getting ready for wedding II and planning our trip.  The book had been all over the US for months now and it’s now caught on like a bush fire in Australia.  A few friends had read it but I refused to let them talk about it in front of me until I was able to have an opinion.

Everyone in the US had already read it- Including my mother (the woman who covered my eyes during sex scenes until well after I became an adult).  So thought it would be funny and very cliché to read these on my honeymoon while I was getting my freak on.

Turns out- I didn’t have to bother.  Yes the first book was a little “shocking” and saucy but it only eludes to the stuff that is supposedly super kinky and out-there.  And as the books drone on (with their impossibly repetitive adjectives) it gets more and more vanilla- to the point where I found myself skimming the sex scenes or skipping them all together.

I’m by no means wild between the sheets- but I have a feeling this would be much more shocking to Soccer Mom’s who married at 23 or divorcees who are realizing that the grass is not greener with hubby number two.

In the end I forced myself to finish the darn things because A. they are a great mindless read when you’re on your fourth flight of the day and your brain is like a colander, and B. because I wanted to be able to have a point of reference when I was trash-talking the books and people who like them.

Never once on my trip did I fret about being able to find the second and third books in the series without having to lug them all around at the same time.  I could easily leave “Fifty Shades of Grey” in Italy and pick up “Fifty Shades Darker” in Spain, dump that one in a hotel room and pick up “Fifty Shades Freed” in a lingerie shop in Amsterdam.
Cinquanta sfumature di Grigio

These books are front and center in every bookstore, in every country and in every language.  It’s unreal.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad women now have their own porn- words are so much sexier than male-strippers.  Now let’s hope someone comes along with some talent who can really titillate us.  Pun intended.