01 02 03 Kangaroo Spotting 04 05 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 24 21 24 21 24 21 24 21 24 21 24 21 24 21 24 21 24 21 24 25 26 27 28 29

Kangaroo Spotting

30 31 32 36 32 36 32 36 32 36 32 36 32 36 32 36 32 36 32 36 32 36 37 38 Kangaroo Spotting

Monday, November 16, 2015

I wanted to say something about Paris

The only time I visited The City of Light, I was going on my tenth month of living and working in Europe. I had travelled heaps for work (and for fun) and by that stage I was pretty blasé about the whole thing. I was already itching for something new and exotic like Asia.

The weekend in Paris was a girls trip to visit some of my colleagues who were based there. It was meant to be more of a social catch up rather than sight-seeing.
I took the train in from Amsterdam where I lived at the time. As it sped through Brussels I hardly glanced out the window. Eyes instead on some book I was reading and ears listening to whatever music I was obsessed with at the time-most likely Muse and Death Cab.

My friend Ruby met me at the station so I wouldn’t get robbed by gypsies. We cabbed to her flat and after distributing the chocolate penises I brought from The Dam I started getting ready for a night out.

I was so used to the casual Netherlands that I looked a bit like Pocahontas in my outfit as the girls generously pointed out. Clearly I had not spent enough time in sophisticated Paris. Even so, as we stepped into the night we felt like an international version of Sex and The City laughing and hobbling our way down the Champs Elysees with the Arc Di Triomphe in the background.
And then I saw it. The Eiffel tower all lit up against the navy sky. I swear my heart stopped beating. All the movies, poetry, books, posters, and myths about this structure loomed large in my mind. I felt ‘the thing,’ that feeling you lust for as a traveler. It’s a little bit like the rush of falling in love, the realization of how insignificant we are and the reward for living out of a suitcase.
This is the moment- you can hardly see the tower in the background (or my outfit) but I'm glowing.
This momentous steel structure could look like a radio tower if it did not mean so much to us culturally. All the history, the connotations, the importance we gave to her is real and it’s powerful and you can physically feel it.
I remember being grateful to Paris in that moment. Europe had not completely desensitized me to beauty, to wonder and to history. I could still feel it's magic that was an unexpected surprise.

When Paris was terrorized over the weekend I’m sure it was a target because of that significance. Because of what it means to so many of us. Whom ever planned the attacks, they were ruthlessly targeting a collective soft-spot. A little piece of my heart broke for the city of light and a big piece of my heart broke for the world we live in. 

Death, fighting, genocide, and war ravage the middle east every single day. We’ve ignored it for a while and now it’s being shoved in our faces again. We need to do something...but what? It feels so impossible when we individually feel so helpless.
Candles in Notre Dam
Paris is another wake-up call to the Western World that we need to end war and violence- I have no idea how this can be achieved. I just hope it happens before our hearts are so broken that there is nothing left to fight over.

Labels: ,

posted by Unknown @ 3:46 PM   0 Comments

Thursday, August 13, 2015

Jet Lag Buddies



Laying down is what bliss feels like after being upright for two days.

Yesterday when Lavinia and I finally arrived home in Australia I ate, showered, and climbed into my own bed. My. Own. Bed. After nine weeks away it's still the comfiest place in the world.

I didn't want to sleep too long so I had Matt wake me after a few hours. My body completely protested and it took me a full 30 minutes just to open my eyelids and sit up. I needed to wake up so I could at least attempt to sleep through the night.

Adjusting back is strange, I forgot what the door handles felt like or which way to turn the tap for hot water. Lavinia is now taller than the kitchen table. 

The haziness of jet lag is hard to explain. Your mind and body won't cooperate. You should eat but you're not hungry, you need to poo at 2AM, your nerves are raw and you feel completely alone when everyone else around you seems normal.

Usually I expect a little post vacation depression but this time I feel differently. Spending the Summer in my hometown was good for my soul. I aimed to bring that energy, focus and inspiration into everyday life.

But more than that I feel a sense of confidence. Lavinia and I went halfway across the world and back. We survived it together, my excellent patience-testing, traveling companion.

As I write this at 4:00AM while my daughter and I snack on toast and Chamomile tea I can't help but notice how comforting it is to have company when you're wide awake in the middle of the night. Maybe that's the difference this time.

Labels: ,

posted by Unknown @ 3:00 PM   0 Comments

Thursday, July 23, 2015

I Went On A Trip Without My Daughter And Didn't Miss Her

Well…that’s not entirely true. I missed her a teeny, tiny, bit but only at the beginning.

I went on a girls trip to Nashville with one of my best friends, for three nights, the longest I have ever been away from my almost-two-year-old tot.

My trip to Hobart early this year was the previous record holder- two nights away. 

This time I flew the full five hour itinerary alone which was something I looked forward to. In transit...just like the old days when I traveled so much airports calmed me, like home.

Dressed, hair did, makeup on, I felt good about myself that day. When I walked downstairs my Mother said to me, “Wow, you don’t look like a Mom today,” which I took as a huge compliment.

I didn’t 'feel' like a Mom even though I chatted about my daughter with the coffee lady at the airport.

The first leg to Baltimore was too short, I barely had time to finish my iced latte and a few chapters of the new David Sedaris novel. Hot tip: If you want strangers to talk to you, dye your hair purple.

On that next flight from Baltimore to Nashville I turned on some relaxing music and closed my eyes. I pictured taking a bath while Lavinia roamed the bathroom. She got bored and wanted to climb in with me so I let her. She was affectionate, hugging me with her perfect little body and little pink arms. It was almost as if she knew I would be leaving in a few hours.
She stayed in the water patiently while I finished getting ready- which is unheard of. I sang to her to ensure she remained distracted.

Speeding though the clouds those images played in my mind I felt a physical pang in my heart. I missed her voice, smile and determined (bossy) attitude. Usually it takes about 24 hours before I'm craving time with her and I wondered if I would miss her during the whole trip.
I missed her again when my Mom called us on Facetime the next morning, other than that, I wish I could have easily added a fourth night to my stay. Me time!!!

Nashville was “excessive fun and madness” to quote our Jamacian-born Uber driver. My girlfriend and I spent an entire day cowboy-boot shopping, experienced the legendary Grand Ole Opry, saw tons of live music, and ‘Honkey Tonked’ our way down Broadway.
Me and my purple hair and new tattoos fit right in. Nashville is full of musicians, producers and artists trying to make it. Even though I could not carry a tune if it had a handle on it, I felt at ease surrounded by the buzz of creativity, inspiration and ambition.
I guess it's all about finding a tribe as I circle back to my first passions in life, painting and story-telling. I'm incredibly lucky to have found a supportive community of bloggers who share advice, experience and ideas with one another.

Not only does it feel good to share knowledge with these talented people but I think it comes back around, adding to the collective creative community. 

 Conclusion: If you are away from your kids and you don't miss them, it does not make you a bad Mom, in fact it makes you a good one (if you do miss them you're also a good one.) It's important to make time for your non-mama self and carve out a little place in your identity that belongs to only you...At the very least it's something your children can look up to.

Here is a tiny sample of some of the wonderful blogs I follow by women I am honored to call friends. Rock on.

Peachy Keen Mumma
The Mummy and the Minx
Lila Wolf Blog
Meet Me at Mikes


Labels: , ,

posted by Unknown @ 5:20 AM   9 Comments

Monday, July 13, 2015

Taking Stock


I’m more than halfway through my visit here in Buffalo and I’m starting to worry that it won’t be enough time.  Not sure it ever will be.

My trip to Nashville last week was incredible and draining and now I’m hibernating and resting up- which seems odd to do in the Summer weather. I'm in a strange, flat, post-party headspace even though it sort of feels like I'm still on vacation. Because this is technically a visit. I think.

I thought I would do a little Stock Take below to get my brain waves flowing. If you want to 'Take Stock' too- just copy the list at the bottom of this post and share your link in the comments here.

Making : Paintings.
Cooking : Not much while I’m a guest at my Mom’s house. A nice change.
Drinking : Emergen-C today and water. Need to rehydrate.
Reading: Just finished 'The Opposite of Loneliness' and I highly recommend it.
Wanting: To feel more rested.
Looking: Like a new person with purple hair and new tattoos!
Playing: Horsey with Lavinia. She thinks it’s hilarious.
Deciding: If I should extend my USA trip a tad bit longer….
Wishing: I could squeeze my hubby.
Enjoying: Having help so I can go out and do things that make me fee like, well, me.
Waiting: For inspiration (or just energy.)
Liking: My new playlist of the country songs I discovered in Nashville.
Wondering: Should I stay, should I go?
Loving: The sun and summer weather
Pondering: If the best is yet to come.
Considering: Making business cards- I’ve handed out a few scrawly scraps of paper recently.
Buying: All the things before I leave The States.
Watching: ABC’s Nashville, Season 1.
Hoping: To get an art business going.
Marveling: At how much Lavinia has changed in the last few weeks.
Cringing: At how much money I’ve spent so far on my trip.
Needing: More veggies in my life.
Questioning: If I will ever have 'enough' time.
Smelling: Piles of laundry.
Wearing: A new soft V-neck Tee and comfy shorts.
Following: Austin Kleon on Twitter.
Noticing: That my life will always be about balancing extremes.    
Knowing: Little buggy will be awake soon so I better wrap this up!
Thinking: About shipping my (material) life over to Australia now that I will finally have space.
Admiring: The talent of my diverse group of friends.
Sorting: Rather, dreading sorting, through my stuff in the basement.
Getting: New Glasses from Warby Parker- 95 dollars for frames, lenses and delivery!
Bookmarking: Quotes about creativity.
Coveting: My new cowboy boots (2 pairs!)
Disliking: How little exercise I’ve had lately.
Opening: Files with blog post ideas.
Giggling: I’ve become a Country music fan, my younger self would be horrified.
Feeling: Worn out.
Snacking: On naughty American snacks. Pretzels, Mac N Cheese, bagels, toooo many carbs.
Helping: Clean up the messes my tot makes in my Moms house.
Hearing: “Kiss You in the Morning” by cutie Michael Ray. Check him out!


Making :
Cooking :
Drinking :
Reading:
Wanting:
Looking:
Playing:
Deciding:
Wishing:
Enjoying:
Waiting:
Liking:
Wondering:
Loving:
Pondering:
Considering:
Buying:
Watching:
Hoping:
Marvelling:
Cringing:
Needing:
Questioning:
Smelling:
Wearing:
Following:
Noticing:
Knowing:
Thinking:
Admiring:
Sorting:
Getting:
Bookmarking:
Coveting:
Disliking:
Opening:
Giggling:
Feeling:
Snacking:
Helping:
Hearing:

Labels: , , ,

posted by Unknown @ 5:03 AM   2 Comments

Thursday, July 2, 2015

So Little Time

I want to do all the things while I'm home. Buffalo, New York has had a makeover, well at least the waterfront has, and I needed to check it out.
Monday I got to see some of the changes first hand and I felt like I had been transported to a different city entirely. It's common knowledge Buffalo always turns on the charm for Summer. (I always say, you will never find a population of folks who appreciate the sun as much as they do.) But this new Buffalo actually feels like a real destination, not just something locals can appreciate.
There were bars, restaurants, public artworks, green grass, lawn chairs, cobbled streets, historic monuments, a stage for live music, kayak rentals, boat tours, mini sailboats, a giant sandbox and more. Um hi, am I in Charleston or something? Nope. Buffalo. I want to come here a million more times before I fly back to Australia.
It’s been a whirlwind three weeks (I cannot believe I’ve been here that long already.) We have had out of town guests, parties, concerts, dinners- all fun, fun, fun, but it's taken a toll. I felt physically drained before heading to the waterfront and to be completely honest I was in a rotten, run-down mood. Somehow though, being there in the sunshine, experiencing the progress of my beloved home city, it just perked-up my soul.
It’s so hard for me to find that balance between self care and letting loose on a normal day but it's near impossible when I know there is a time limit like there is on our visit. Usually I run around like a lunatic but since becoming a parent, I don't have the energy to keep up the way I used to and I need to remember to take a step back and rest, for the sake of my daughter and myself.
I'm glad we went to the water and had a little fun because the next day was an intensely emotional one. We buried my dog's ashes in the backyard then drove my brother to the airport. I didn't know when I would see him again. On the way home I wished out loud that he could stay longer, just a little more time, now that things are quieting down.

I went to dinner with my Dad afterward and while we were eating and he got a phone call from my brother. Turns out his flight was cancelled and he got to spend one more night at home. Maybe the universe heard my pleas. A few more hours with my brosef- I'll take it. I'm one grateful sister.

Labels: , ,

posted by Unknown @ 12:43 PM   4 Comments

Friday, June 26, 2015

One + Four = Life: Homeward


I’ve been in my hometown for two weeks now and have settled in while trying to balance the overwhelming urge to see everyone and do everything possible while resting enough to stay upright.

It’s hard fighting the panic that shouts “this is the last time you will see so-and-so for another year,” and makes me buy all the American things because they are so much cheaper than in Australia. “Of course you need seven mascaras! They are a third of the cost!”

Every once in a while I have to remind myself to stop, if my body doesn’t remind me first by getting sick or falling asleep at 8:00PM. One of the main things that makes me focus are seeing people who are important to me, like my brother.

My bro and I have not lived in the same city in over a decade but I always miss him. We tortured one another growing up but he’s been along for the ride with me longer than anyone.

For the first time in years we are both at home, without our respective spouses so naturally we decided to do something a little whimsical.


One: Brother Sister Matching Tattoos

My brother and I grew up watching The Goonies. Putting on a VHS flick was one guaranteed way we would get along for at least 90 minutes. So in the spirit of pirates and One-Eyed-Willy we have gotten matching SailorJerry clipper ships. And taking from the classic SJ flash the word 'Homeward' in the banner underneath. To Eric and I, it represents our relationship because even though we are separated, we will always make our way home to one another, even if only figuratively.


Two: The Kooks Are Out

I started listening to The Kooks when I lived in Amsterdam, my favorite city, their album Inside In The Inside Out will always remind me of one of the best times in my life. It’s poetic that I took along Michelle who was my colleague, flat mate and best friend in Amster. I had tickets to see the band twice before to no avail. The first time, I was pregnant and mixed up the dates (damn baby brain!) the second time we had an overnight wedding and had to sell our tickets (the wedding was wonderful and worth it!) When I FINALLY saw The Kooks at The Rapids Theater in Niagara Falls, USA I stood two rows away from the stage and rock out like I was one of the other 18 year olds in the venue. Totally worth the wait.


Three: Backyard Beauty

I didn’t grow up in the house my Mother and Stepfather share but it reminds me of my childhood home, especially how the backyard buttresses the woods behind it. Watching my daughter run around in the golden light of the summer evenings fills my heart with a mixture of joy and melancholy. We have escaped the middle of a Melbourne Winter but also left behind my husband, her Dad. And then I start thinking about how she won’t ever have the same memories growing up as I did. Perhaps I should brush up on my memory and my storytelling.


Four: A Caffeine-Fueled Painting Afternoon

I’m incredibly lucky that my mother is an interior designer and she wants to populate some of her projects with my artwork. Whoa!! All of the sudden I’m a commissioned artist!!?! I worried that I’m not “professional” enough to sell my work. My husband said to me “What makes any artist a professional? You studied art, you make art, and people want to pay you for it.” He has a point.



Labels: , , , ,

posted by Unknown @ 10:21 AM   4 Comments

Thursday, June 18, 2015

Glass Animals Concert Review

Do yourself a favor and listen to this band right now- no matter what your mood is.


Glass Animals are a fairly new band from the UK with a really funky, sultry, ambient-yet-upbeat sound.

Their album Zaba is one that you can listen to the whole way through, over and over again (I'm guilty.) The tracks sound so smooth that I wondered if they were overproduced and if it would result in a poor live performance. Hot damn was I wrong! These kids are not only talented but they actually played all instruments live and sounded brilliant.





It's hard to believe how young they are (my friends and I were definitely on the older curve of the median age group at the show) because they just sound so profesh. The lead singer has a voice like peanut butter and he slathered it onto the enthusiastic crowd with raw emotion.

The show was just ace. I would totally go see it again.

And bonus, this was the first time I got to see a concert at Babeville- a church converted into a venue by Buffalo's own Ani DiFranco. Gorgeous architecture and stunning acoustics. Overall a fantastic experience and the ticket only cost 17.00. Winning.

Labels: , ,

posted by Unknown @ 11:17 AM   0 Comments

Monday, June 15, 2015

A Family's Roots

We spent Friday in my Mom’s hometown of Canastoda, New York- a place on the map only because it is home to the “International Boxing Hall of Fame.” It’s a sleepy town of 4,700 where change is reluctant.

You get a real sense of time and history in that town. I mean, check out this old church by the lake. Incredible. The camera (rather my camera skills) do not do it justice.


We went there to attend the funeral of my Mother’s best friend since childhood (my Aunt by intention.) It’s all terribly surreal and tragic I still can't believe she's gone. I don't think any of us have processed her absence yet.

My Mom had to meet a realtor at my late Grandmother's house. I didn't get to attend my Grandmother's service three months ago so I had to say goodbye twice that day.


The walls of that house hold memories since I was three years old, just one year older than my daughter now. When I saw how she tried to scoot down those basement steps like I did as a kid, I was amazed.  When my cousins she had never met showed up, Lavinia ran to them. I couldn’t believe that my typically standoffish child seemed to recognize her own blood. It was beautiful and astonishing.

One Aunt has kept a little of my late Grandfather’s garden going and we all picked some garlic scapes. It made my heart soar to see my little girl dancing among the rows. Her feet gracing the soil where my Grandfather worked on his masterpiece.




We will never go back to that house and now I will have sun soaked memories of saying goodbye, of seeing love and family, roots and blood, in it’s purest form.

Labels: , ,

posted by Unknown @ 11:27 AM   6 Comments

Saturday, June 13, 2015

The Eagles Have Landed

The holy grail, an empty seat
I must be insane because I just flew with my toddler, and a sinus infection, from one side of the world to the other.

Part of me can’t believe we made it, really I should just be proud of myself….and my Mom who met up with us in LA. That last little leg of the journey is the worst (if you call California to New York 'little') and that extra pair of hands is invaluable.

The Qantas staff member who checked us in at Melbourne was an absolute legend. She pulled us out of line (Lavinia was crying), got us bangin' seats and offered us an airport stroller. Vin and I were fast tracked at security and at the gate for early boarding. We sat in a row with an absolutely LOVELY couple (American gal, Aussie Bloke) and their well behaved 8 month old daughter. And get this…the pot of gold- an open seat next to me that Lavinia could completely take over.

You really can’t ask for more than that when traveling, other than a free upgrade to business class (which actually happened to me the first time I flew to Australia.)

This was all so different from last year. I don't remember being offered any help but maybe I wasn't open to it. I still had that mentality like I should be able to handle parenthood all by myself- good thing I learned that lesson! Maybe people are more freaked out by toddlers (because destruction) or maybe this time around I was much more open to it.

The downsides were intense and plentiful. There were moments when I wanted to cry or when I thought my head would explode from sinus pressure. I wanted to give up but it's kind of hard when you're already in that big tin bird in the sky. Like a jail sentence, we were committed to seeing it out.

Know what else sucks? When your kid is sick, tired, and flipping out, passengers expect you to handle it...or at least act like you are trying when you are actually helpless.

It was a rough ride but in the best possible circumstances. And for that I am grateful- I really am. Lately I am really trying to use negatives as a contrast- making the good things in my life that much brighter.
Jet lag is a drag.

Labels: ,

posted by Unknown @ 10:37 AM   4 Comments

Saturday, June 6, 2015

A Place to Rest

In the days following our backyard tree removal I noticed birds flitting around, flying from corner to corner stopping to rest on the fence line. They were confused.
It was more emotional than I thought, the day those trees came down. I slept in that morning while Matt got up with Lavinia. He heard me stirring and came in to break the news that my favorite, the lemon tree, was the first to go. He also had to break the news that my beloved dog, Bella had passed away in the night (she lived with my Mom in The States.)
The following Saturday I read that a friend from my hometown lost his life- he was only a year older than me. And today, another week later I woke to the news that my Mother's best friend of 50 years lost her battle with a quick, ruthless, illness.
My heart broke for those little birds because I could relate. When things are suddenly taken from us, we see ghosts where branches used to be. We try to lean against something no stronger than a memory. We think we see our tree for a second but really it's just a phantom.
Loss hurts. It's one of those things made incredibly more complicated by living abroad. I have not yet been able to look at my own backyard and see those empty spaces with my own eyes. So instead I imagine: My dog won't greet me as I walk through the door, I won't bump into Mike if I go out for drinks, Debbie won't be visiting and I won't speak to my Grandmother, who left us in March.
I had a dream this morning where I tried to explain life in Australia to my Mom. I told her that even though I don’t have a youthful memory on every corner, somehow it’s become home.
Buffalo is also my home. the roots I have back there are sturdy and in Australia they are young and flourishing. My home, my life, my family and my heart will forever be in two places.
When I arrive in my hometown next week perhaps I’ll be like one of those birds, flitting around for a while trying to get my bearings without some familiar landmarks.

Rest in peace: Mamie, Bella, Michael and Debbie

Labels: , ,

posted by Unknown @ 12:30 PM   10 Comments