Well…that’s not entirely true. I missed her a teeny, tiny, bit but only at the beginning.
I went on a girls trip to Nashville with one of my best friends, for
three nights, the longest I have ever been away from my almost-two-year-old tot.
My trip to Hobart
early this year was the previous record holder- two nights away.
This time I flew the full five hour itinerary alone which was something I looked forward to. In transit...just like the old days when I traveled so much airports calmed me, like home.
Dressed, hair did, makeup on, I felt good about myself that day. When
I walked downstairs my Mother said to me, “Wow, you don’t look like a Mom today,”
which I took as a huge compliment.
I didn’t 'feel' like a Mom even though I chatted about my
daughter with the coffee lady at the airport.
The first leg to Baltimore
was too short, I barely had time to finish my iced latte and a few chapters of the
new David Sedaris
novel. Hot tip: If you want strangers to talk to you, dye your hair purple.
On that next flight from Baltimore
I turned on some relaxing music and closed my eyes. I pictured taking a bath while Lavinia roamed the bathroom. She got bored and wanted to climb in with me so I let her. She was affectionate, hugging me with her perfect little body and little pink arms. It was almost as if she knew I
would be leaving in a few hours.
She stayed in the water patiently while I finished getting
ready- which is unheard of. I sang to her to ensure she remained distracted.
Speeding though the clouds those images played in my mind I felt a physical pang in my heart. I missed her voice, smile and determined (bossy) attitude. Usually it takes about 24 hours before I'm craving time with her and I wondered if I would miss her during the whole trip.
I missed her again when my Mom called us on Facetime the next morning, other than that, I wish I could have easily added a fourth night to my stay. Me time!!!
was “excessive fun and madness” to quote our Jamacian-born Uber driver. My girlfriend and I spent an entire day cowboy-boot shopping, experienced the legendary Grand Ole Opry, saw tons of live music, and ‘Honkey Tonked’ our way down Broadway.
Me and my purple hair and new tattoos fit right in. Nashville is full of musicians, producers and artists trying to make it. Even though I could not carry a tune if it had a handle on it, I felt at ease surrounded by the buzz of creativity, inspiration and ambition.
I guess it's all about finding a tribe as I circle back to my first passions in life, painting and story-telling. I'm incredibly lucky to have found a supportive community of bloggers who share advice, experience and ideas with one another.
Not only does it feel good to share knowledge with these talented people but I think it comes back around, adding to the collective creative community.
Conclusion: If you are away from your kids and you don't miss them, it does not make you a bad Mom, in fact it makes you a good one (if you do miss them you're also a good one.) It's important to make time for your non-mama self and carve out a little place in your identity that belongs to only you...At the very least it's something your children can look up to.
Here is a tiny sample of some of the wonderful blogs I follow by women I am honored to call friends. Rock on.
Labels: Identity, Travel, Writing