01 02 03 Kangaroo Spotting 04 05 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 24 21 24 21 24 21 24 21 24 25 26 27 28 29

Kangaroo Spotting

30 31 32 36 32 36 32 36 32 36 32 36 37 38 Kangaroo Spotting

Friday, October 23, 2015

One Plus Four Equals Life: Gratitude

Positive things are flowing into my life right now and I’m going back and forth between being grateful, humbled and just a teensy-bit proud.

1. I am grateful for opening up and for the tribe it brought me.
I started taking my blog seriously, and sharing it, almost two years ago. The purpose was to help myself heal from post-natal depression. Revealing that vulnerability terrified me, shook up some relationships in my life and strengthened others. I fell in love with writing again and gave myself permission to do it simply for the joy it brought me.

But it did more than bring me joy- it brought peace of mind. I received countless messages of love and support from friends old and new. They shared their personal struggles with me and we all felt less alone. Then I landed in a wonderful blogging community, they are beyond supportive and contribute an endless supply of inspiration.

2. I am grateful for working in the art field and for being able to call myself an artist.

I landed a cute, little job- my first (paid) in over two years. I’m teaching and assisting beginner painting classes. The goal was to get out, do some networking, and be in a field I love. The pocket change doesn't hurt either!

3. I am grateful for being able to build something.

Then there is my personal artwork. When I was home in Buffalo I got a big 'commission' project and worked for hours and hours in the cold bliss of my Mom's basement. She would stay on Grandma duty while I lost myself down there. I ended up doing more than planned when a few of my pieces ended up on my Mother's walls. Fair enough. It made me think that- maybe I could start my own art business. 

I'm proud to announce that Kangaroo Spotting is now an official Australian Business. I'm not quite sure the exact shape it will take but right now it's all about lining up the ducks.

And oh yeah, my Etsy Store, it's finally launched! There are actual items for sale in there. It's a bit time consuming, the whole Etsy set-up, I've been tinkering for a while and I'm still learning. Won’t you take a little look and let me know what you think?

4. I am grateful for living a creative life.

It feels like all of my work, tears and hope over the last few years are starting to become this tangible thing. I'm beyond grateful for being able to follow my dream.

What would you do if you were free to be anything?




Labels: , , ,

posted by Unknown @ 3:44 PM   10 Comments

Thursday, July 23, 2015

I Went On A Trip Without My Daughter And Didn't Miss Her

Well…that’s not entirely true. I missed her a teeny, tiny, bit but only at the beginning.

I went on a girls trip to Nashville with one of my best friends, for three nights, the longest I have ever been away from my almost-two-year-old tot.

My trip to Hobart early this year was the previous record holder- two nights away. 

This time I flew the full five hour itinerary alone which was something I looked forward to. In transit...just like the old days when I traveled so much airports calmed me, like home.

Dressed, hair did, makeup on, I felt good about myself that day. When I walked downstairs my Mother said to me, “Wow, you don’t look like a Mom today,” which I took as a huge compliment.

I didn’t 'feel' like a Mom even though I chatted about my daughter with the coffee lady at the airport.

The first leg to Baltimore was too short, I barely had time to finish my iced latte and a few chapters of the new David Sedaris novel. Hot tip: If you want strangers to talk to you, dye your hair purple.

On that next flight from Baltimore to Nashville I turned on some relaxing music and closed my eyes. I pictured taking a bath while Lavinia roamed the bathroom. She got bored and wanted to climb in with me so I let her. She was affectionate, hugging me with her perfect little body and little pink arms. It was almost as if she knew I would be leaving in a few hours.
She stayed in the water patiently while I finished getting ready- which is unheard of. I sang to her to ensure she remained distracted.

Speeding though the clouds those images played in my mind I felt a physical pang in my heart. I missed her voice, smile and determined (bossy) attitude. Usually it takes about 24 hours before I'm craving time with her and I wondered if I would miss her during the whole trip.
I missed her again when my Mom called us on Facetime the next morning, other than that, I wish I could have easily added a fourth night to my stay. Me time!!!

Nashville was “excessive fun and madness” to quote our Jamacian-born Uber driver. My girlfriend and I spent an entire day cowboy-boot shopping, experienced the legendary Grand Ole Opry, saw tons of live music, and ‘Honkey Tonked’ our way down Broadway.
Me and my purple hair and new tattoos fit right in. Nashville is full of musicians, producers and artists trying to make it. Even though I could not carry a tune if it had a handle on it, I felt at ease surrounded by the buzz of creativity, inspiration and ambition.
I guess it's all about finding a tribe as I circle back to my first passions in life, painting and story-telling. I'm incredibly lucky to have found a supportive community of bloggers who share advice, experience and ideas with one another.

Not only does it feel good to share knowledge with these talented people but I think it comes back around, adding to the collective creative community. 

 Conclusion: If you are away from your kids and you don't miss them, it does not make you a bad Mom, in fact it makes you a good one (if you do miss them you're also a good one.) It's important to make time for your non-mama self and carve out a little place in your identity that belongs to only you...At the very least it's something your children can look up to.

Here is a tiny sample of some of the wonderful blogs I follow by women I am honored to call friends. Rock on.

Peachy Keen Mumma
The Mummy and the Minx
Lila Wolf Blog
Meet Me at Mikes


Labels: , ,

posted by Unknown @ 5:20 AM   9 Comments

Monday, July 13, 2015

Taking Stock


I’m more than halfway through my visit here in Buffalo and I’m starting to worry that it won’t be enough time.  Not sure it ever will be.

My trip to Nashville last week was incredible and draining and now I’m hibernating and resting up- which seems odd to do in the Summer weather. I'm in a strange, flat, post-party headspace even though it sort of feels like I'm still on vacation. Because this is technically a visit. I think.

I thought I would do a little Stock Take below to get my brain waves flowing. If you want to 'Take Stock' too- just copy the list at the bottom of this post and share your link in the comments here.

Making : Paintings.
Cooking : Not much while I’m a guest at my Mom’s house. A nice change.
Drinking : Emergen-C today and water. Need to rehydrate.
Reading: Just finished 'The Opposite of Loneliness' and I highly recommend it.
Wanting: To feel more rested.
Looking: Like a new person with purple hair and new tattoos!
Playing: Horsey with Lavinia. She thinks it’s hilarious.
Deciding: If I should extend my USA trip a tad bit longer….
Wishing: I could squeeze my hubby.
Enjoying: Having help so I can go out and do things that make me fee like, well, me.
Waiting: For inspiration (or just energy.)
Liking: My new playlist of the country songs I discovered in Nashville.
Wondering: Should I stay, should I go?
Loving: The sun and summer weather
Pondering: If the best is yet to come.
Considering: Making business cards- I’ve handed out a few scrawly scraps of paper recently.
Buying: All the things before I leave The States.
Watching: ABC’s Nashville, Season 1.
Hoping: To get an art business going.
Marveling: At how much Lavinia has changed in the last few weeks.
Cringing: At how much money I’ve spent so far on my trip.
Needing: More veggies in my life.
Questioning: If I will ever have 'enough' time.
Smelling: Piles of laundry.
Wearing: A new soft V-neck Tee and comfy shorts.
Following: Austin Kleon on Twitter.
Noticing: That my life will always be about balancing extremes.    
Knowing: Little buggy will be awake soon so I better wrap this up!
Thinking: About shipping my (material) life over to Australia now that I will finally have space.
Admiring: The talent of my diverse group of friends.
Sorting: Rather, dreading sorting, through my stuff in the basement.
Getting: New Glasses from Warby Parker- 95 dollars for frames, lenses and delivery!
Bookmarking: Quotes about creativity.
Coveting: My new cowboy boots (2 pairs!)
Disliking: How little exercise I’ve had lately.
Opening: Files with blog post ideas.
Giggling: I’ve become a Country music fan, my younger self would be horrified.
Feeling: Worn out.
Snacking: On naughty American snacks. Pretzels, Mac N Cheese, bagels, toooo many carbs.
Helping: Clean up the messes my tot makes in my Moms house.
Hearing: “Kiss You in the Morning” by cutie Michael Ray. Check him out!


Making :
Cooking :
Drinking :
Reading:
Wanting:
Looking:
Playing:
Deciding:
Wishing:
Enjoying:
Waiting:
Liking:
Wondering:
Loving:
Pondering:
Considering:
Buying:
Watching:
Hoping:
Marvelling:
Cringing:
Needing:
Questioning:
Smelling:
Wearing:
Following:
Noticing:
Knowing:
Thinking:
Admiring:
Sorting:
Getting:
Bookmarking:
Coveting:
Disliking:
Opening:
Giggling:
Feeling:
Snacking:
Helping:
Hearing:

Labels: , , ,

posted by Unknown @ 5:03 AM   2 Comments

Wednesday, May 27, 2015

What Parenting Taught Me About Art & Bravery



Becoming a parent has forced my humanity to develop at warp speed. Once my daughter was born the world changed. And even more than that psychic shift, I suddenly felt accountable for my actions past, present and future.

As I’m sure we all know, it’s hard to take advice from someone who does not practice what they preach. If I have high expectations for my daughter I must hold myself to those same standards, otherwise my advice to her is useful as vapor.

Of course I want my little girl to chase her dreams, break barriers, and be a kind soul. Well then darn it- it’s time for me to be all those things and more so I can show her how it's done.

I always thought I was one of those people who had not found ‘my thing,’ my life’s passion. The truth is, I knew what it was all along I was just too afraid to own it.

Don’t get me wrong, I've lived, have been a little bit interested in a lot of different things. Like taking yoga in foreign languages, eating dinner in complete darkness, sailing on ferries, giving out fake names, playing matchmaker, stealing toilet paper, tattooing a human, falling in love with an Australian stranger in Malaysia then marrying him. It’s been an unforgettable whirlwind.

Despite all those wild memories I can’t shake the feeling that even though it appears I have been living my dreams, I've actually been distracting myself from them.

When you become a mother at 32 (almost 33) you've lived enough life to know that your options are instantly limited. The list of things you will never do grows longer and your wide, bright future becomes a pinhole- understandable because your priorities have changed. That's quite a lot of pressure for a free spirit however if you are also a procrastinator like myself, it might just be the ignition you need to get into gear.

I have traveled the world, married a wonderful man, given birth to a healthy child but what good are those things if I have not created something just for myself? If I am fulfilled I will be a better wife/ mother/ person and my daughter is the direct benefactor.

Growing up my heart and life revolved around the arts. I danced, painted, played instruments, sang, acted, wrote stories and poetry. All these things were encouraged and supported until University Graduation. Suddenly I was supposed to act like a grown up and ‘get a real job’ which sounded dreadfully boring. 


And yes, I could have gone against the grain and fought hard for my dream but it’s not easy when you are a young person being launched into the world. Your parents’ opinions mean everything especially when you aren't mature enough to trust yourself. I looked for guidance everywhere but within. “Shadow artists did not receive sufficient nurturing. They blame themselves for not acting fearlessly anyhow (Julia Cameron).”

So now, no more blame. I can look at my adventures, half-cooked ideas, abandoned career paths and use those as material and inspiration for my new creative life. 

I sound so confident don't I? Really though, I’m shitting myself. Every now and then I think “what’s the point,” or “I’m not good enough.” But even I can respect someone who tries and fails more than someone who never tries at all.

Now the work begins. Here I am, an adult student in a limitless classroom. There are no assignments, no deadlines, no grades, no graduation. I am the only one to judge whether or not I’m trying my hardest. The only one who knows if my goals are getting enough attention. The top key performance indicator will be- whether I am someone my daughter can look up to.



Labels: , , , , ,

posted by Unknown @ 11:40 AM   6 Comments

Saturday, March 7, 2015

Lavinia at 17 months, A Poem



Your heart shaped face
And rose kissed cheeks
Hold a curly crown of tarnished gold,
Framing eyes the color of storm clouds.

They reflect light 
As the surface of the sea,
So upon trying to match their depth
I must concentrate on staying afloat.


***This poem came to me one afternoon as I was feeding Lavinia her bottle and looking into her eyes. People always tell me she's an old soul- and I'm biased but I've always thought the same.  Her wisdom astounds and intimidates me.  Sometimes when looking into her eyes I almost have to look away from the intensity.  But I don't.  I stare and hold her gaze and let her take me to this deep, raw, place where I swear she can see right through me.***

Labels: ,

posted by Unknown @ 2:15 PM   2 Comments