The Feminist Housewife
Well, I don’t feel bad about staying at home. I’m not bored or unfulfilled.Why do I feel like loving it is a dirty little secret?
Look, it’s a damn difficult job staying home. It’s 24-7. No breaks. No privacy. Just as I’m sure it’s damn exhausting to have to go to an office, then come home and take over the 24-7 shift. As Amy Poelher says about being a working Mom in her very quotable book:
“There is an unspoken pact that women are supposed to follow. I am supposed to act like I constantly feel guilty about being away from my kids. (I don’t. I love my job.) Mothers who stay at home are supposed to pretend they’re bored and wish they were doing corporate things. (They don’t, they love their job.) If we all stick to the plan there will be less blood in the streets.”- From Poehler's Yes Please
And that’s the truth, we only have each other to blame for tearing one another down. The guilt and judgement would stop if we just admit we all like what we are doing. If you are unhappy generally then I would wager your job has nothing to do with it.
|Photo: Sara Heidinger Photography|
I tend to be a bit clingy as a mother. I blame being a transplant but sometimes I think it’s because I get too wrapped up in my daughter and need to step back. We spend 50.00 per week to put Lavinia in a five hour Day Care session...so I can breathe (and go to the dentist and all that fun stuff.) Yesterday we rocked up on our usual day, packed and ready to go, and I realized the place was closed due to Spring Holidays. (Those of you who have experienced travelling with me are not surprised.)
Vinnie and I turned around, and went home without any tears shed (by me.) I even good-naturedly attempted a few things on my to-do list. The yoga DVD was a fail since she kept climbing on me during my downward dog saying “horsey, horsey.” I turned on the TV babysitter while I wrote a few emails and found her 45 minutes later nose to screen. Not my finest parenting moment.
But you know the truth, even though I got a few things done yesterday despite myself I can FEEL it when I don’t have that tiny, little break from my daughter. I was downright lethargic, migraine forming, when Matt arrived home last night. And to think of how torn I was before making the decision to put her into daycare in the first place. I am completely grateful that we can afford this luxury. And I realize that many families cannot justify the cost especially if they have more than one child.
I guess my point is even if you elect to, and enjoy, staying home, you still need some me time. All jobs have pros and cons, moments of boredom and times when you want to quit. There are days when I want to walk out the front door and drown in a dark pub and there are times when I can’t believe I get away with spending every day with the most interesting mini-person on the planet.
There are a few key things you need to consider when making the gigantic decision about working: To be paid or not to be paid...that is the question.
Most items are common sense:
Most items are common sense:
- The cost of Child Care vs Take home Pay- if you LOVE your job, maybe it's not about the money
- How passionate you are about your career vs your hobbies- can you make enough time for hobbies at home to feel fulfilled?
- Do you have the energy to work both in and outside the home? Energy tends to be on short supply no matter what.
|Girl Fraaaaands...yes that's my wine. I had adult supervision.|
Nothing is set in stone and few things in life are a perfect fit. You can try something and see if you can make it work and if not change it up. Just be confident in what you want and who you are (it took me a long time to get there) even if it is a stay-at-home feminist.
After all- it's about the choice.
I agree with Amy- can both sides just admit we love our jobs? What do you think?