Our Easter staycation was something I had been looking forward to since my Grandmother passed. Peace, quiet and chocolate. But something felt off with me. I was flat and zombielike rather than excited.
Friday was an early wake up call- Lavinia was up at 5:20 (I finally figured out she was waking early because of being cold- can I get a hallelujah for thinking of adding an extra nightly layer!) So I had a sluggish start to my half-day volunteering at the Good Friday Appeal which raises money for the Royal Women and Children's hospital of Melbourne. My good friend works for the appeal and it always amazes me how dedicated she is. Every year in the lead up to Easter I don’t see or hear from her because she’s eating, breathing and working. The appeal raised over 17 million in one day which is astounding (especially considering the hospital only services one State.)
Saturday Matt and I took Lavinia to the Queen Victoria Market. It was a perfect, bright, sunny Autumn morning but for some reason I was in a crankpot mood. I drove us there and forgot my wallet- no cash, no parking. I was losing patience and itching to take some photos with my new beast of a camera- the Cannon 70D (I'm in love with it but barely know how to use the thing.) It was never going to be a simple endeavour as we also had to shop for our Easter lunch and keep track of our 18 month old. Of course it didn’t help that I was hangry and decaffeinated by the time we hit the ATM. Recipe for disaster.
My reaction to the frustrations of parking and the logistics of getting breakfast were a bit extreme...and familiar. Coincidentally I have just begun therapy again. Now that my depression and anxiety are under control it’s time to dig a little deeper and work on some of my ‘core messaging.’ I am hopeful that it will help me with the confidence I lack as I'm trying to carve out a path as artist and writer. I need to erase the old tape playing that says those things aren't worthwhile. Not that my career aspirations had anything to do with my mood on Saturday, but I think anger is my go-to reaction to frustration lately.
|The big M, made of key-chains|
In the end I'm really glad we went. It was stimulating for Lavinia, I got a few snaps and we bought some delicious treats for our first holiday meal as a family of three.
And speaking of food- I've been working like mad on a recipe index page. I wanted to talk about my own personal food philosophy (I could go on and on for days because I'm so passionate about nutrition) in a shorter, more digestible format (can't help it, love a pun) where I can link to the recipes I post on here. I feel incredibly lucky to have a partner who supports me emotionally and financially as I play around with my beloved blog.
It is because I love and respect this man so much that Tuesday was a difficult day for us. Matt had to get three (benign) cancerous BCC's removed from his forehead. And it's not the first time. He had one cut out less than a year ago and how has had about 14 total stitches on his poor head (not to mention the big one cut out of his back when I was pregnant.) I don't care how many times Australians tell me that BCC's are the 'good' type of skin cancer. I hear the ‘C’ word and it echoes in my bones. I worry about Matt and his pale, sun-soaked, skin and I worry about my daughter who has inherited his complexion. He was physically capable of doing most things after the minor surgery but I wanted him to rest, relax and heal. The best way I know how to do that is with TV and food. So that's what we did on Tuesday.
Wednesday was day care day. Lavinia seems to have finally gotten over the worst of her separation anxiety. High five! While I got started on another online blogging course BWP 2.0. It's an intensive follow up to the previous one (that’s how much I enjoyed it.) I love that the lessons arrive in my inbox first thing Wednesday mornings. I'm now planning my 'me time' around those lessons. I even squeezed in a little yoga DVD first to loosen up and get the creative juices flowing. I've really let exercise fall to the wayside lately, which is unlike me, and I think it’s added to my current lethargy.
|Happiest point of the day...stopping for coffee|
The days are getting shorter and colder but at least the sun shines almost every day- something I will never take for granted being born and raised in Buffalo where we would go weeks without seeing a break in the clouds. Maybe that’s just what I need to snap out of this funk- a figurative little break in the clouds...while wearing an SPF of course.
|Somebody was mirroring Mommy's expression|